Change of Heart

I know that I spend the majority of my time whining about the snow that never ends all winter (and spring and fall) in Northern Arizona.

That's because it sucks.

But when it stops snowing and it all melts, NorAZ is really crazy beautiful. The past week, it's been sunny. I mean, really sunny. And warm. And I've had my windows open in my office.

It is a beautiful thing.

Our Dairy Queen opened up yesterday. So now we can get mini blizzards. And our coffee shop is opening up on Thursday. So now I don't have to cry when I have an afternoon free and want to spend it in a coffee shop.

It's wonderful.

We won't talk about the fact that it might snow on Saturday. I'm just going to live in ignorant bliss. Warm ignorant bliss.

Song of the Day: Uniform Grey by Sarah Harmer

Spring Snowstorms = A Restless Me

It's snowing.

On the second day of spring.

This is the time of year where I start going a little stir-crazy. Winter is long in Northern Arizona. And I'm sick of it. And sick of doing the same thing day in and day out without a break.

I'm restless.

I kept thinking I would grow out of my rambling heart, but I just haven't. Nor will I ever, methinks.

Oh, well. It will be summer soon enough and I'll get to be outside and be super busy.

In the meantime, I'll work in my office with my headphones in and take great joy in good music and hot cups of coffee.

Song of the Day: Is This Love by Corinne Bailey Rae

I Jinxed It

Remember yesterday when I celebrated the fact that it wasn't snowing?

Yeah, about that...
Oh, well. Time to bust out my snow boots.

Song of the Day: Skinny Love by Bon Iver

Waterworks

I have cried at work at least once every single day this week.

This does not make me a stellar employee.

One time it was because my boss asked me how I was doing. The other times it was more legit, but not by much.

I don't cry at work. I'm not that girl. So I don't know what's wrong with me. Other than that we have inordinate amounts of work to do and literally everyone else in my department is either sick, hurt, or on vacation. So there's just me to do the work of 4 people.

Still, I don't normally get too stressed out. I can work hard.

So again, I don't really know what's wrong with me.

I could use a week on a beach. Any beach. But since that's not possible until September, I'll settle for a one-day weekend. (We have a Sunday turnover that I get to work.)

No crying at work today! It's my goal!

Song of the Day: Sugarcane by Missy Higgins (Oh, how I love this song...)

Sunshine is My Friend

Up until approximately 3 months ago, if you had asked me how I feel about winter, I would have responded with the following:

"I love winter. It makes you feel all cozy and I read lots of books and there's Christmas and Elf and so many wonderful, magical things. Winter is AWESOME!"

I was laboring under a false illusion.

I never knew it, but I, in fact, despise winter.

I know I have been really whiny about it the past, oh, month, but I just can't help it. I feel like I shouldn't be grumpy about it because it is actually fairly warm today and completely sunny, but there is still snow everywhere. Seriously. Everywhere.

My hatred was thrown into stark relief by the trip I took to see Spring Training in Phoenix yesterday.

It was warm. And I got to wear my ssekos. And I went to a baseball game, where it smelled like freshly cut grass and barbeque. It was like heaven is going to be (I'm pretty sure).

And then we drove back to Williams and there is still snow.

Yes, it's pretty. But it is time for baseball and barbeque. Come on, Williams. Let go of winter. Let's move on. It's time.

Song of the Day: Laughing With by Regina Spektor

I Hate Myself a Little for this Post

I need winter to be over. I don't want to be a whiner, but seriously, I need winter to be over.

I can't handle being inside anymore. I can't handle it being dark at 6:00 PM.

I'm whiny and a little restless. And I want to blame it on winter because I don't want anything else to be the cause.

My life is in a weird place. I'm 25 years old. I have a career. And I love it. I love feeling purposeful. I love getting up in the morning and having somewhere to go and something to do and people to see. I love not worrying about how I'm going to support myself. I love it.

But I miss getting up in the morning and watching TV while I get ready. I miss deciding what I'm going to do with my day on that day. I miss being able to spend 3 hours in the coffee shop and staying out until 2 AM.

And yet, I hated it. I hated feeling like my days meant nothing, like I had no direction and no clue.

So here I am. 25 and mainly happy, but still sitting at a coffee shop and whining on my blog. And becoming more convinced that I may never grow out of the need to do that.

You can skip this post if you want, I wouldn't blame you.

Frankie Says Relax

I am so relaxed, I can barely get myself to get out of bed. This is the best feeling in the world.

My life feels crazy right now. I feel like there's not enough hours in the day or energy in my body. I feel like I'm constantly moving, thinking, interacting. And, although I'm a people-person, I'm an introvert at heart. I derive my energy from spending time alone.

Hence, today.

I slept until noon, I made chocolate chip walnut waffles, I read half a book, showered, and then read the rest of it. I didn't blow-dry my hair or put on any make-up.

Now I'm sitting next to Katie and Jen at our kitchen island, blogging and getting ready for our nightly Christmas movie. (Yeah, we're playing a Christmas movie every night of December at our house. It's awesome.)

Needless to say, I am contented.

I've been wanting to blog all about my life but I can't now because it would make me think about how stressful this week is going to be and I refuse to do that. Because I'm going to remain in a chipper good mood and optimistic about the fact that we only have one more group coming before the new year and only two more weeks before I come home for Christmas!

I feel like I'm in college during finals week except other people actually count on me to get my work done now.

I might go read another book...

Song of the Day: Warm Whispers by Missy Higgins (can't get enough)

Yep, I'm a Whiner

Before I blog, I have to say, Bonnie- I feel the same way when I read your blog. Glad to know you're jamming to Christmas carols as well and I will put up pictures soon, I promise. (By this, I mean I've taken my camera to work for 2 days now and forgotten to take pictures, but I'm bound to remember eventually.)

Shout-out over. Actual blog post, begin.

Today was one of those days where I finally just had to leave work (at hour 10) because all I was doing was staring at the computer screen and thinking, "There is literally no way I'm going to get everything I want to get done, done."

It's week 4 and I know it. I'm not going to be able to do everything I want to do. It doesn't matter if I stay late every day and bound in every morning with endless energy. It's just not going to happen.

Housekeeping is a repetitive job. You clean things, just so that someone can use them and you can clean them again. There's satisfaction in walking into a room to see a complete mess and walking out half an hour later with everything clean, shiny and lined up perfectly.

But then, 2 days later, it's dirty again.

This is even more frustrating when it comes to laundry. I have my goal: get everything clean and folded. I have to break it down. First, get everything clean. I do it. I stay late to change over laundry and at the end of the week, my dirty carts are empty.

However, I have 6 clean carts loaded with unfolded, clean laundry. That's OK, we'll catch up on folding next week. But, oh yeah, a small weekend filled up 5 carts of dirty laundry again. Sigh, regroup, start it all over.

For a task-oriented, grind-it-out type of girl, this kills me. So I'm deciding right now not to let it. I'm going to do all I can with what I have and ask for help when I need it.

Hold me to it, friends. Because I can almost guarantee I'll be right back here, complaining about the never-ending cycle again soon.

Sorry to whine, but really, what are blogs for?

On a lighter note, here's another installment of Old YouTube Videos Revisited: Japanese Mob Scare Prank (This, combined with my roommate's dog and blog venting have completely restored peace and happiness into my heart. It's so funny.)

The Beauty of the Written Word

Have you ever coughed so much and so hard that you literally thought your head was going to explode? That is how I've been feeling for the past several days. Everyone please pity me.


On a separate note, I think one of the reasons I love baseball so much is that it brings with it one of my favorite kinds of people, the baseball beat writer. These men (and the occasional woman) are true poets of sports writing.

They follow the team around and create prose that can make you weep, such as this excerpt from a Bryan Burwell article in the Post Dispatch describing the joy of seeing a healed ace back on the mound:

Since sweet dreams really are supposed to be made of this — jaw-dropping and outrageous and perfect beyond your wildest imaginations — then surely this was the epitome of Tony La Russa's sweetest baseball dream in many years. The manager stood there in the drizzle on the top steps of the Cardinals dugout on this gloomy Thursday afternoon at Busch Stadium, mesmerized by this absolute thing of baseball beauty:

Chris Carpenter was out there on the hill again, tossing all these precise darts between the raindrops, buckling knees and painting the plate, doing the impressive things that aces always do.

That is just plain pretty. And I do love pretty writing, especially when it's applied to something manly.

Just so you have an accurate look inside my brain, I completely imagine all baseball beat writers as 1920s journalists complete with "press" hats and suspenders. It just makes it more fun.

Let us be for real, baseball is beautiful. Not only are these word-smiths vomitting out this beautiful prose for newspapers everyday, but Walt Whitman himself wrote about baseball in Leaves of Grass:

I see great things in baseball. It's our game--the American game. It will take our people out of doors, fill them with oxygen, give them a larger physical stoicism. Tend to relieve us from being a nervous, dyspeptic set. Repair these losses, and be a blessing to us.

Word up, Walt.

Long story short, intelligent people love baseball.

Two Things Today

1) Mary Catherine Gallagher's blonde cousin is on Wheel of Fortune right now.  She is an opera singer from Tampa and graced us with a rather stirring original opera composition about the Wheel during her intro segment.  She also won both of the first two toss-ups and did quite a bit of dancing around in celebration, almost falling over in the meantime.  She is now battling out the personality-void church choir director in the ankle-length button up denim skirt on country music week a couple years ago as my favorite Wheel contestant ever.  (Remember denim skirt woman, Paige?  She was the best!)

2) I have a cough.  It's really annoying.  I don't actually feel sick at all, I just have a deep in the chest, hacking cough that limited me to 2 hours of sleep last night.  I would go to the doctor, but I don't have health insurance.  So I guess I'll just tough it out.  (In all honesty, that's what I would've done anyway.  I don't ever go to the doctor.)  Here's hoping it's not TB!

I'll be back in Mid-MO all next week.  Hit me up if you're around.

Ugh

OK, I had my first really frustrating day of joblessness.  Even though I whine a lot on this blog, I've managed to stay fairly optimistic about being unemployed.  Not so much today.

Yesterday, I left my resume at a Starbucks by my house and the lady working seemed to indicate that they may be hiring and that I should come back and talk to her manager today.  She was very helpful and I was optimistic.

Then I went in today.

The manager wouldn't even come out of the back room to talk to me and the extremely stoned man barista working the register didn't even give me an application to fill out after telling me they weren't hiring.  

Seriously.  

I have a college degree and I can't get a job that a bleary-eyed stoner can do.  That is frustrating.

I would normally be amused that this guy was as high as he was at work, but in this case it pissed me off.  He actually put his head down on the counter while he was talking to me.  This man is a better fit for Starbucks than me.

OK, I'm done whining about it.  I just had to get that off my chest.  I'm going to return to optimism in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1.

Better.

It's cold, rainy and windy here today but in a way that I love.  I'm sitting in my coffee shop in a big leather chair listening to my Rainy Days Mix and I splurged on a real latte because I needed it and it's cold.  So life really is good.

I just have to remind myself every once in a while.

Song of the Day: Already Gone by Sugarland

Pity Party

Earlier today I was thinking about how my brother's coming home next weekend and we're going to go back to Mid-MO and hang out with the fam.

I was thinking about how that was going to be nice and how it is kind of pleasant that I am within an easy driving distance of Jeff/Columbia if I do want to go.  

And then I started thinking about how I would have to fill up on gas probably twice during the weekend.

And then I got that "Oh, my god, I'm so broke I literally can't afford to drive home for the weekend" queasy feeling in my stomach.  In fact, I'm kind of getting it again now.

For the most part, I really don't care how much money I have.  I don't need a lot.  I don't live a very pricey lifestyle.  But when it gets to the point that I really don't know how I'm going to pay my bills, I start to panic.  

Mainly this is due to the fact that I hate hate hate having to admit that I can't take care of myself.  Some would call this stubbornness and misplaced pride.  I call it healthy independence.

Oh well.  I'll figure something out.  And in the meantime, I'll practice humility.  And patience.  And frugality.  Three things I'm not great at.  But I'm going to become a superstar at.  Just you wait.

Song of the Day: Haley by Needtobreathe (Most relatable song ever... Everyone's been here.)

It's Not Pretty

In my last post, I alluded to the fact that I was on a slippery slope that would lead nowhere but to me being actually classified a hermit.

I am here today to confess that this has happened.

In my defense, a perfect storm of circumstances has caused this fate to befall me.

I shall list them:

1) I'm sick.

That's right, the freaky Missouri weather has taken me down.  And it's my least favorite kind of sick: the common cold.  The common cold is my least favorite for one reason alone: you can't legitimately complain about having a cold. 

You all know how much I like to whine and this disease just does not lend itself to pity.  If I bellyache about having a cold, people are only going to look at me like I'm pathetic (and not in a good way).  But yet, having a cold sucks.  It zaps your energy.  It makes it hard to sleep and it's annoying when you have to blow your nose every 5 seconds.

The reason that having a cold adds to my hermitness is also pretty simple.  In the real world, I would suck it up and go to work and deal with my cold, hence getting over it pretty quickly.  In unemployed Kate world, I give in to my desire to stay in bed all day.  This merely prolongs the cold which makes me stay in bed even longer.  It's a vicious cycle.

Also, I can't go get my ultimate this-will-make-me-feel-better treat, which is the Jamba Juice Pomegranate Heart Defender with Immunity Boost.  How am I supposed to be well when there's no Jamba around here?  (I settled for a Naked Well-Being Smoothie, but it is not the same.)

2) Friday Night Lights

Oh yeah.  I began watching this show this season since Kelley got very pumped about new episodes and proceeded to explain to me that the show was like Jeff City on TV.  I began watching, I discovered she was completely right.  It's awesome.

This past week, I decided to use some of my discretionary budget to repurchase Netflix.  The first thing I put in my queue?  Friday Night Lights.  

And not only is it coming on discs but I can also watch it instantly online.  Consequently, I've watched like 20 episodes this week while not leaving my house.

Side note:  This show is extremely good.  I suggest watching it.  I may have to do another entire post on my love for Matt Saracen.

3)  My roommate is out of town.

This just serves to erase all social stigma associated with not showering and not seeing the light of day for more than one day in a row.

That's it.  Those are the reasons I have slipped into complete hermitage.  But I'm proud to say, I rallied myself today.  I haven't watched a single episode of FNL, I left the house to go to the store and got fresh fruit, orange juice and more cold medicine, and I'm freshly showered.  I feel good about where this is headed.  

Song of the Day (classic style): What I Got by Sublime

Suze Orman Has Nothing on Me!

Before I start my post, I need to share with you all the one major dilemma that I have encountered since moving to Kansas City: there is a serious lack of free coffee shop WiFi.  The only coffee shop I could find near my house today was a Starbucks which I do have great love for except for the fact that you have to pay for WiFi at Starbucks.  I know, outrageous.  

You might say, "Kate, go to Panera.  You love Panera.  They have free WiFi and they are all over the place now that you live in Missouri again."  And I would tell you that that is wonderful advice.  However, Panera has a seriously lacking coffee bar.  The only espresso drinks they do are regular lattes and mochas which are too expensive for me.  And if I'm going to drink regular coffee, I'm going to make it at home for free.

Two of my favorite establishments are horribly failing me.

One of three things needs to happen: 1) Starbucks needs free WiFi, 2) Panera needs a better espresso menu or 3) I need to find an awesome coffee shop that combines the two places and is not 20 minutes away.  I don't think that's too much to ask.  My happiness in this move seriously relies on this quest.  

On to my actual post:

I have turned into a financial wizard!  I'm not one to toot my own horn (what?) but I'm feeling pretty smug lately.  I have been reading Confessions of a Shopaholic and I spend a good portion of my time chuckling knowingly yet condescendingly at the antics of the main character.

Here's why:

As you most likely know, I am broke.  And I'm unemployed for an indefinite amount of time.  So you might be thinking that I would be a little stressed about how I'm going to live/wondering if I've been contemplating selling some organs.  But what you don't know is that I've got a plan.

No my plan does not involve anything illegal or even slightly questionable.  In fact, my plan does not involve me figuring out a way to bring in money at all.  My plan is quite simple.  I'm am going to spend essentially nothing until I have a job.

If you know me, you know that this is no easy feat.  I have not always been known for my financial sagacity, but I think, with a few simple guidelines, I will be able to weather this storm of unemployment pretty successfully.

Step #1:  Make lists.

Moves tend to cost money.  Even though this was a fairly low-maintenance move, there are always a few random things that you end up needing, i.e. a lamp or a shoe organizer.  For both a Wal-Mart trip last night and a Target trip today, I created a detailed list of everything I was going to get before leaving.  I then refused to stray from this list.  This can be particularly hard in Target because I want everything in the entire store.  But I did not succumb.  I passed on the new bath towels, the ShamWows and the lint roller even though I arguably need all of those things (especially the lint roller).  Strength is key.

Step #2:  Buy the cheapest.

I've never been one to buy the most expensive of something just to have it, but I do tend to go for the middle of the road price usually.  I figure it's going to last longer and be altogether better than the clearly crappy cheapest one.  However, I have to think a little more short term right now.  I needed a lamp, a tea kettle, a shoe organizer and some hooks, all of which come in several price points.  I bought the cheapest one of all of them.  Sometimes this required looking around quite a bit.  I had to go to 3 different areas of the store to find hooks that were $1.50 instead of the $6.99 ones I found first.  This is worth it.

Step #3: Use cash.

I think it is unnatural to have no discretionary funds.  That is why I have a set amount of cash each week for me to spend on anything other than what is strictly needed.  I pull it out in cash because I will always go over any budget I set for myself when using a credit card.  The cash I have in my wallet is what I have to spend this week.  Period.  No exceptions.  So if I have a lapse in judgement and buy the expensive coffee, I don't get to get a new book.  That's just how it goes.  I'm very strict.

So that's it.  Three simple steps and they are saving me tons of money.  Also, it didn't hurt that I had a birthday.  

And coming up with financial strategies distracts me from the fact that my days have no purpose.  I really want a job.

Valentine's Day=Funniness

OK, I'm willing to admit when I have been completely wrong about something...

It is wonderful being back in Missouri.  I don't think that I realized that I was slightly uncomfortable everywhere else until I got back here for an extended period of time.  People are nice (when they want to be) and funny and they don't tell me I have an accent even thought I totally do.  (Seriously, it took me like 3 days to sound completely country.)

I've been in Jeff all week working at my parents' florist shop and it was hilariously fun.  The people that you hire to work at your florist in the middle of Missouri are always a fun group, as are the clientele you have in.

My favorite part of working at a florist is reading the cards that people put with their arrangements.  My favorite from this year was this message on a dozen roses:

Happy Valentine's Day

From Your Husband

P.S.  I want to tie you up...

If I could include a visual of the guy who penned that message, it would be even funnier.  But I think that would a complete invasion of privacy.  (And I don't take pictures of strangers.)

Also, let me give you all some advice: when you order flowers from someone, you don't have to give them the entire back story that goes with your reason for sending the flowers, but it will probably make them happy if you do.  

I spent about 10 minutes on the phone with one guy while he told me about how he accidentally cheated on the girl he was sending flowers to.  I spent another 5 minutes trying to help a guy craft a card that would get the man he was sending flowers to know he liked him without outing the guy to his parents whom he still lives with.  We ended up going with simply his initials and a phone number.  

It's a fun business.  

I worked at the shop all through high school and college part time.  I actually first started there in 2002.  So, even though I hadn't worked there for more than a day at a time in over 2 years, I knew exactly what I was doing.  In fact, there was a new girl in and I ended up spending quite a bit of time training her.  That was kind of funny and made me realize that if you do anything enough, it will never leave you.

There are several people there who have worked there for 5+ years so they have literally seen me grow up.  Our general manager was teasing me about how I used to just come in and sit down in the back and whine about how tired I was, all the while doing basically nothing.  I really was a horrible employee.  I would like to think that my work ethic has improved significantly since then.  (It has.)  Now I'm like the super-star employee there which I guess provides me with some job security if nothing else.

I'm headed to KC tonight and I have a couple of people to meet with over the next week.  So the job hunt really begins!  Should we start a countdown to see how long it takes me to become so frustrated at not being able to find a job that I move off the grid and take up a life style of complete self-sustainability rendering an income useless?  Or should I just continue to believe that the perfect job will fall into my lap within a week or two?  I don't know which one would provide better blog fodder.

We'll see...

Frigid is Not a Nice Adjective

I'm so cold I feel like I might actually die.

And, say what you want, I don't think that's an overly dramatic statement.

I am staying in a beautiful brownstone on 9th st. in Manhattan.  It sounds like a dream.  And mostly it is.  But along with the charm of an old building comes the horrid insulation (and cockroaches).

And I stay in a room at the back of the house that has a whole wall of windows and a door.

It literally feels like I'm camping.  

And I hate camping.

I enjoy the part of camping where you sit around the camp fire and roast mallows and tell stories and someone always accidentally melts their shoes.  But after that, I want to go home and sleep in my bed.  Because I inevitably wake up at dawn, freezing cold and damp with a horrible back ache.  Not worth it.

This is like camping in that I'm really cold.  It's better though because I have a bed.  

My plan is simple:  I will stay in bed under my covers where I stay perfectly warm.

Earlier I spent half an hour in the fetal position under the covers, staring at my nightstand.  I couldn't have been happier.  I was confident in my plan.

So after watching Friday Night Lights (awesome), I said good night and headed back to my room.  I immediately got under the covers and cuddled with my pajamas for a while so that they would warm up before I put them on.  (This was surprisingly effective and I congratulated myself for a while for thinking of it.)

But then I faced a conundrum.  I really wanted to blog in order to complain sufficiently about being cold, but that required me to take my hands out from under the covers.

I cursed myself for not asking for a Snuggie for Christmas, even if they do make you and your entire Snuggie-clad family look like complete tools.

I tried to type with gloves on.  I found it impossible.

I finally just sucked it up and decided the risk of a couple of digits was worth the satisfaction of a well-typed blog.  That's what you all mean to me.  You're welcome.

I just keep thinking longingly of my remote-controlled space heater in storage in the Canyon.  We'll be reunited soon.  I can't wait.

I will leave you with a picture of what I will look like for the entire weekend:

Thank you Lord for iPods, blogs and books.  The perfect way to spend the coldest night of the year.

Song of the day: Best for Last by Adele

Things I Would Kill For...

1) Good internet... Between everyone skyping all day and watching entire movies hence slowing down the internet connection to complete uselessness at Wildhorse and my neighbor's crappy stolen signal here in NYC, I have endured a year and a half of completely horrible internet.  I just want to be able to watch TMZ videos and read the new PostSecrets in a timely manner.  (Don't judge.)

2) Panera.  There is no Panera in NYC but there is a restaurant where you can play Bingo while being served your dinner by transvestites.  Come on.

3) Good avocados.  This is my one west coast hold-over.  I miss them in my tummy.

4) All American companies to observe the same holiday time off as state universities.  You would obviously get paid over-time if you chose to work the summer term, but no pressure.

5) Unlimited access to any and all downloads on iTunes for a price of say $10/month.  This would save me a pretty significant amount of money.

This is all I ask for people.  Really, is it too much?