I Know, Delays Suck

OK, I know how much you all look forward to my Tuesday morning Bachelor Blog. And believe me, I look forward to writing it.

But this week, it's going to have to be delayed. I'm sorry, but it could not be helped. You see, I don't have cable. I watch it every week at my friend Mandi's. And tragically, Mandi is out of town right now.

Also, I've been obsessively watching Dexter play-instantly on Netflix. There were a lot of things hindering me.

But fear not, Mandi will be back tomorrow and I'll get to the end of the play instantly seasons of Dexter very soon.

The Bachelor Blog will come at you later this week.

(Sorry to my mom, who already emailed me this morning wondering where my Bachelor post was.)

He's Bringing Sexy Back

I love Justin Timberlake.

It's just a thing of mine. Summer Love comes on and I can't help but just straight jam.

It started with the N'Sync Disney special in the summer of 1998. I was firmly in the middle of my Korn/Limp Bizkit phase (seriously, I was hardcore), but I loved that special. I taped it and watched it over and over.

I realize that N'Sync is cheesy boy band to the extreme, but JT has become seriously legit since. People sometime argue that, but they would be wrong.

And to prove it, here's the duet he sang with Matt Morris on the Haiti telethon. I can't stop listening to it, a) because I love this song (Jeff Buckley sang it first and always best) and b) because it's freaking haunting. Try arguing with me now! (If you need more proof, you can borrow his Live at Madison Square Garden DVD from me. Yes, I own it and it's awesome.)

The Claws Come Out (Jake, Ep. 3)

Well, I spent all day in the car today, driving back from Malibu. I am tired. But I will not let that deter my Bachelor Blogging. I know how important it is to you all.

I got a text from my friend Mandi today saying, "Bachelor tonight? Someone's pregnant!" Apparently, there have been previews on ABC of someone telling Jake they're pregnant. Now, I'm a savvy enough (and veteran enough) Bachelor viewer to not believe the tricky preview editing. I was right, nobody revealed any buns in the oven this episode. But that did not mean we were lacking on drama.

There were 3 dates tonight. The first was a one-on-one with Vienna. Here's the thing with Vienna: I find her a little personally annoying. Also, she's 23 and it shows. I would be on board with not liking her. However, the other girls have decided to gang up on her in a move that feels a little bit like hating the kid that reminds the teacher they didn't hand out homework. Of course that's annoying, but it's just kind of dumb, not malicious. She's clearly just a bit of a snotty princess who doesn't realize it. I feel a little bad for her.

Not bad enough that I think she should get a rose, though. She didn't really have anything interesting to say the entire date, but they did go bungee jumping and Jake for real almost peed his pants. I mean, he was shaking and probably crying. I love that he's kind of a nerd.

She got a rose, she got to stay, the other girls spent the rest of the show alternately whining about her, talking trash about her to Jake, and being mean to her face.

Next was the group date which was, wait for it, a trip to John Lovitz's comedy club! Hmmm.... Not the best date they've ever come up with. However, it was awesomely awkward when they made each of the girls get up and do a stand-up comedy routine in front of an audience. None of them were funny, a couple of them were kind of vulgar, Ashleigh cried and then told some blonde jokes, Michelle was awkward, and Corrie spent her whole time mocking the other girls. I do not see a future as a comedienne for any of them.

They all went to booze it up at some hotel afterward, and it was horribly unfun for any of them. During one-on-one time, Tenley finally told Jake about her cheating ex-husband (who has to feel like a huge doucher at this point) and Ali talked trash about Vienna (why are you talking about other girls in your one-on-one time?).

Oh, yeah, and Michelle went home.

Yeah, and it was everything I wanted it to be.

First, she cried because she wasn't getting any time with Jake. Then, she finally got it and told him she was again thinking about leaving, to which Jake was internally saying "please do." She then spent a few minutes talking about how it was her turn to find love and have babies because her brother already has. (Is there a line we're waiting in that I don't know about?) She has yet to come across as anything other than desperate or crazy.

She finally asked Jake if she could kiss him so that she could see if there was chemistry. She then molested his face, while he tried valiantly to keep it as chaste and closed-mouth as possible. It was SO awkward. I loved every second of it. Then she told him she needed him to beg her to stay, to which he replied she should probably go home. She cried and acted shocked. She is so nuts. I mean, multiple restraining orders nuts. She needs her own show.

After that, Jake called it a night and peaced out, which seems fair.

The last date went to Ella who is the sweet, southern single mom. They went to Sea World and Jake (producers) surprised her by bringing her son Ethan. As much as they're exploiting children and you probably shouldn't bring your son on a first date, I love it when they do this. The kid was seriously cute, and Ella continued to show that she was about 90 times more mature than the other women. Seriously, they're all talking shizz about Vienna and she's talking about having a father for her son and knowing what she wants in a man. I still like her, although I'm not sure he'll pick her.

The cocktail party was short and sweet. Jake called Elizabeth out for being a tease, which is a term I normally don't like, but actually completely applies in this situation. She got pissed and cried, and this was somehow all Vienna's fault. (Again, I don't even like Vienna, but seriously?) He ended up sending Elizabeth and the one girl left whose name we didn't even know home.

It's down to nine and getting even more dramatic. I love Mondays!

Freedom!!!

Before I blog, I would like to take this opportunity to officially welcome Phil G. to my blog. It's good to have you, Phil. Now update your blog so I can stalk you in return. Thanks.

Let's post.

I went to a day-long personal finance seminar instead of working today.

Yep, you heard me right. Me. Financial seminar. All day.

Actually, everyone I work with was required to go because we were hosting it at Lost Canyon. It was literally entitled Financial Freedom. You would be correct if you were thinking that it was hosted by a man in a navy blazer and khaki pants. You would also be correct in thinking it included a heavily animated Power Point presentation.

I was excited about this day for a few reasons. The first was that I knew it would give me the motivation I needed to get my finances together now that I have a real person job (ugh). The second was that I had this weird premonition that it was going to be awesomely reminiscent of retreat days in high school.

I was not disappointed.

It was absolutely the grown-up equivalent of retreat day. I got to wear weekend clothes instead of my normal toilet-cleaning clothes (or Catholic school uniform in the analogy). When I first got to work, I ran to the auditorium and spent some time asking the cool kids to sit by me. We claimed the good row, stocked up on snacks, and spent an appropriate amount of time giggling and whispering (not too much so we didn't get in trouble).

I don't think I need to say more, this day was clearly awesome.

I told you, high school retreat day all over. Although, I didn't have to spend any time trying to hide the Smirnoff Ice on my breath, so there has been some growth in the last 7 years. (Mainly that I would never drink Smirnoff Ice anymore.)

And, as a bonus, I actually did figure out some stuff about finances. That's good. (Although I need an entire other post to talk about how I'm such an extreme commitment-phobe that even long-term saving stresses me out. It's not pretty.)

I'm headed to SoCal this weekend, to bask in the warmth with a few of the ladies here. And then we're going to come back to a week that is supposed to bring us 4-7 feet of snow. Yes, feet. The Williams Police Chief has literally been meeting with FEMA to prepare. One time in Columbia, we got 8 inches and didn't leave the house for 2 days. My life has changed.

Wish me luck.

Grumpopotamaus

Paige wins the bonus points! Good work, Paige. I'm so proud.

You know what the worst part of living in a small town is? The lack of anonymity when you're having a bad day.

Sometimes, I'm grumpy. I want to go into the grocery store and continue to be grumpy while I do it. I want to tap my foot impatiently and sigh out loud while the person in front of me sorts through their coupons. I want to roll my eyes and make mean faces when things are ridiculously expensive or hard to find. Overall, I want to be a grouch.

I also want to make obscene hand gestures at people when they cut me off or follow way too closely and throw my hands up in disgust when they're driving too slow for my tastes.

I can't do any of these things anymore. Because I live in a tiny little town and people know who I am. Even if they don't know me, they can probably figure out where I work. Or I'm at least going to see them again the next time I go in Safeway or drive down that street at that time.

So I have to smile and make polite conversation. It's horrible.

But on the bright side, when I'm not grumpy I get the pay-off of having Safeway bagger friends and neighbors that wave at me. I guess the good does outweigh the bad.

You should come visit and see it for yourselves. Just a thought.

Who Can Resist a Gaffer? (Jake, Ep. 2)

Week 2! Week 2! And Rozlyn already got sent home for "entering into an inappropriate relationship with a crew member?" This. Is. Awesome.

I'm gonna go ahead and say that I kind of thought something like this might happen when she flashed her lady business at the beginning of the show. And they totally edited her to look bey-otchy throughout the whole dates portion. That's ominous in bachelor-world. They try to make everyone look either cheesy-perfect or desperate-crazy. If you get edited as evil, you probably actually are.

In case you missed it, I'll recap. Chris Harrison entered the mansion in the middle of the cocktail party and asked Rozlyn to accompany him outside. He then made a very long speech that included him looking personally affronted and sent her home for being a little bit of a hussy. (No judgement!) She had to go pack up her bags while a large man in a newsboy hat (I'm guessing her lover) hovered over her.

Chris then told Jake (who cried) who told all the girls (who also cried). It was the Bachelor at it's finest.

I really only have one question: What constitutes "inappropriate relationship?" You can just tell me what base. 1st? 3rd? What're we talking about here?

Awesome.

There were also 2 group dates. The first was a photo shoot for InStyle. They were all really honored to have the 1987 Male Porn Star of the Year as their photographer. (Seriously, what was with that 'stache?) Christina managed to be really funny and got a whole lot of face time only to be cut at the rose ceremony.

The other group date was a day at Six Flags by themselves. I want to do that. But not with Jake or any of those other girls, just with like my friends. The only thing we learned on that date was that Elizabeth has decided her strategy will be to sexually frustrate Jake as much as possible. It seems to be working.

Alli got the one-on-one date and I really want to like her but she makes an annoying squeaky/squealing noise that I can't handle.

Crazy-eyes Michelle managed to hang on another week and some other girls that I didn't care about went home.

In the end, I think we all learned an important lesson tonight: Don't sleep with the scruffy cameraman. It kind of gives away the fact that you're only there to be on TV.

See you next Monday for more drama!

Here it is

This is what my oldest brother got me for Christmas.

Bonus points if you know what these things added together make. More bonus points if you buy one for me the next time we're at a bar because they're my favorites but I only can only afford beer or cheap wine at bars.

Also, I'm totally going to Ireland and Scotland in the Fall, hopefully Britain as well. I'm saying it on the blog so that it will come true. (That's how it works.)

Get pumped for the Bachelor tonight!

Bachelor Blog is Back! (Jake, Ep. 1)

Welp, we've arrived. That's right, the moment we've all been waiting for is here. The Bachelor is back and better than ever.

Here's what I can tell you from the first 5 minutes alone:

1) Jake may possibly be the cheesiest Bachelor ever. He set the tone when during the first segment he actually said out loud, "Nice guys finish laugh. Story of my life."

2) Jake (or the Bachelor script writers) clearly spent months researching plane/love metaphors. I applaud their dedication.

3) Awesome taste in eyewear runs in families. Jake rocks the aviators, but nowhere near as hard as his dad rocked the oversized glasses in their family portrait circa 1972.

4) The Bachelor cinematographers straight steal from early 90s movies for their shots. Jake in a leather jacket and aviators on a motorcycle with the setting sun in the background? Come on.

And all of that was just in the first 5 minutes! It is going to be a season for the record books.

The first montage of the ladies reveals that about 90% of them are crazies. Also, my snap-judgement favorites are the single mom and the Christian girl from Oregon.

After sitting through all of that, we finally brought in my two favorite characters in the show: Chris Harrison and the overly-decorated, plastic-looking mansion. (Is the mansion symbolic of the women? Or vice versa? Ponder that one.) They should really stay in the mansion all season, all the good drama happens there. And neon lighting is so flattering.

And then, Jake informs us, the time has come. He's going to meet his wife! Right now, in front of a fake backdrop of a mansion, right next to a limo!

You know, I want to see someone try that in real life. Like one night, before you go out, just declare that you are going to meet your spouse and then you have to marry someone you meet that night. It works on TV (1 out of 15 tries- Trista and Ryan give everyone hope).

I watched the entire limo intro sequence through my fingers because it was so awkward. I feel bad for the girls because they clearly spend a long time coming up with their cutesy little intros, but they all suck. All of them.

The party keeps the awkwardness flowing, but they add in more booze and a whole lot more cattiness. Again, all the good stuff happens in the mansion.

Oh, and no surprise that the brunettes won the football game. I'm just saying, we're awesome.

And then... Ed! It's Ed! Ed's back! Oh, Ed, thank you for returning to my TV. Also, Jillian's there. Whatever. Actually, she's looking fierce and it's kind of fun to see them together outside of their season. They're really funny. And they got the fun job which was judging all the girls complete with notebooks and then telling Jake which ones were the crazies.

The most exciting part of the rest of the episode was the fact that he kept crazy-eyed Michelle. I see an epic limo freak-out in her future. I look forward to it.

I feel like I have to make a first week pick, so I'm gonna go with Alli. Although she seems a little too obvious. I stick with my snap judgements and still like Tenley and Ella. We'll see.

Is anyone else intrigued by the pirate ship in the previews? That's a good date.

See you next week!

10 for the 10s

Remember when I used to sit around in coffee shops all day, doing nothing, and whining about how I didn't have a job and how scared I was to be settled?

Wasn't that fun?

(Side note: rereading those posts have made me realize that my blogging has been crap lately. I'm going to work on it, don't worry.)

It has been an incredibly wonderful couple of weeks off. I went home and played games and hung out with my family and old, comfortable friends.

And now I'm in Tucson. And it's warm. Yesterday I laid in a hammock reading for 3 hours. And this afternoon I'm sitting in a coffee shop blogging. Yeah, it's basically my dream life.

But tomorrow, it's back to the grind. I'm refreshed and ready. And I have snow boots. So I'm pretty much set.

On another note, I've decided that the 10s are going to be my decade. The Decade of Kate. I'm not really sure what that consists of, but I'm positive it's going to be awesome.

Here are some things that are going to happen in the Decade of Kate (aka 10 things that will happen in the 10s):

1) I'm going to turn 30. Weird!

2) The Cardinals are going to win the World Series.

3) I'm going to live somewhere for more than a year.

4) I'm going to laugh a lot. Like way more than I did in the 00s.

5) I'm going to travel to at least 4 continents.

6) I'm going to dream less and do more.

7) I'm going to love my job.

8) I'm going to love people.

9) I'm going to love my life.

10) I'm going to figure out the balance. Strength vs. Vulnerability, Adventures vs. Roots, Humility vs. Pride.

Oh, man, this is going to be a good decade. I'll keep you posted.

What are your 10?