I Want to Be Lorelai. For Serious.

The last like 9 posts on my blog have been serious.  Because, you know, I only post twice a year so it tends to be kind of introspective.

But today is a day of change!  Or, I'm a day early to something called the camping summit and I have no work to do.  Seriously, I don't know how it happened but I have nothing.  No emails.  No calls to make.  I could work on some projects but that's just a hassle on my travel laptop.

So, I post instead.

And while I've caught my blog up a little on what is going on in my life (i.e. nothing new), I have not caught it up on what's going on in my pop culture life.

I still watch the bachelor.  I've been reading a ton of books. Celebrity gossip is coming fast and furious.  All Shonda shows are my jam.

But, most importantly, I have become ardently re-obsessed with the Netflix release of Gilmore Girls.

Seriously, binge watching can't even describe it.  I've been watching.  And watching.  And watching.

It's bad.  I'm unproductive.  I was sick the other day so I took off work and watched an entire season.

But it's good.  Because it's Gilmore Girls.

OK, here's the truth.  I watched this show when it was on and I loved it.  Then my roommate in college had it on DVD and so we would watch episodes again.  And I loved it again.

However, I have gone back to watch several shows like this (Dawson's Creek, Party of Five, 90210), and they just don't hold up later.  I watched a season of Dawson's on netflix and then I got bored.  And I was crazy about that show.

But Gilmore Girls?  Ruining my life.  

And worse than anything, I'm in the middle of season 5 which means all the last episodes I watched were Lorelai and Luke in their prime actually dating and having a functional relationship episodes.  It's sad how happy it makes me.

And Rory's at Yale!  And Christopher hasn't ruined everything yet! And they opened the Dragonfly!

I spent some serious time the other day thinking about how I kind of am like Lorelai.  Small town, I want to own an inn some day, there is no local diner but I know my Safeway Starbucks baristas (no romantic interest, but I did get invited to one of their baby showers).

Also, I may or may not have dreamed about Gilmore Girls the other night.

So, yeah.  I'm feeling a little crazy.  But I just went to youtube to see if there was a good video to put in this post to show you why it's so awesome and I found people way crazier than me who have made tribute videos to Luke and Lorelai.  I feel much better about myself. So, see!  Blogging is therapeutic.

Song of the Day: Reflecting Light by Sam Phillips (bonus GG fan points if you know what this song is from!)

The Smartest Thing I Do is Steal

As I get older, I realize that I have sayings.  Small things that I believe and I use to guide my life.  I don't really know where I got them.  They're just little pieces of wisdom that are probably a conglomeration of a bunch of things that a bunch of different adults said to me at some point in my childhood.

If you work hard enough, you can do anything.

Dress for the job you want.

When in doubt, smile.

People should never kiss on national television.  (I actually remember where this one came from.  My grandpa did NOT approve of Saved by the Bell.  I've absorbed it into my life to mean don't go on reality TV.)

But the one I've been thinking about a lot lately is this:

Choose your friends wisely.  You will eventually be like them, even if you don't want to be.

I got this advice over and over in a million different ways growing up.  And sometimes I listened to it.  But a lot of times I didn't.  Because I wanted to sneak peach schnapps in my friend's basement and make out with that boy my parents never met.  

And you know what, it was fine.  Because the truth is, my friends just didn't matter that much.  I don't mean they didn't matter as people and I certainly don't mean that stupid decisions inspired by them couldn't have derailed my life.  But, I do mean that there was a whole host of influence when I was young.  My friends were one of them, but so were my parents, and my siblings, my teachers, coaches, leaders, church, town.  The list could go on.

That piece of advice has stuck with me though.  And it just gets more and more true.

I have incredible friends.  As in, I'm ridiculously lucky to be surrounded by the people I'm surrounded by.  They are faithful, loving, and true.  They are strong and inspiring.  They are my tribe.

And now more than ever, I'm starting to look like them.  

It's so weird.  Because now more than ever, I'm not trying to be anyone else.  

But, at some point along the way, I got smart.  I realized that I had some choices about my life.  I realized that I could decide whether I was going to be lonely, I could decide whether or not I wanted to keep growing, and I could decide who I wanted to be.  

I formed a tribe.  I invited people into my life.  I have found that it is much harder to be lonely when you've invited people in.

I made sure that the people I invited were seekers.  You can't stay stagnant when your people are asking questions.  We grow.

And I invited people that I wanted to steal from.  Because yes, I get to decide who I want to be.  But I make those decisions by looking at the people around me and straight up stealing their good things.  I watch, and I take.  Debbie's faith, Miriam's warmth, Emily's joy, Christen's compassion, Abigail's strength.  I make them a part of me.   

I have a tribe.  The smartest thing I ever did was fill it with people I want to look just like.  

Thankful for them today.

Song of the Day: Like Real People Do by Hozier

Just Because I Need It...

I'm heavy-hearted this morning.

Nothing happened.  My life is fine.  Good even.  I'm happy and content.

But I woke up and read an update on the Nigerian school girls that were stolen from their school.  Stolen like pieces of property.  It was 5 months ago.

And when it happened, there was this beautiful collective outrage.  There was this moment where the world cried out, a loud and firm, "No.  No.  NO!  We will not stand this.  We will not be quiet."

And I was proud.

That was 5 months ago.

And those girls are exactly where we left them.  Property.  Stolen.  When they should be learning and playing.  When they should be dreaming about all the things they're going to do.  When they should be allowed to still believe that they belong to themselves.  

And then Patty Griffin's Up to the Mountain came on Spotify in my office.  

And I cried.  Because I have a cozy office and a sense of security and so much control of my own life.  

And I felt broken.  Because these girls don't get these things.

And I felt tired.  Because I believed for a moment that a hashtag could mean something. 

And I got mad.  Because things like this make me not believe and, oh, I want to.

5 months.  And a heavy heart.  And a futile blog post.

Just because I need it.

Because 2013 Can't Cease to Exist on My Blog

Well, today I had the urge to write on my blog.  It's been about a year and a half since I last wrote here. But I'm pretty sure nobody will read this, so I think I can follow the urge, and if any of you migrated me from google reader to feedly without realizing it, than congrats.  You'll get to see a post from me!

It's 2014.  A new year.  And if anything deserves a new blog post, I guess it's a new year.  I've actually written about a new year a couple of times on this blog (here and here), so this is not a new topic for the blog of Kate.

Not only is the new year a natural time for reflection, but January is also the one chunk of time where my life slows down a little.  Schools are on break, business is a little slower, days are short, snow is plentiful.  So, I tend to reflect.  

And as 2013 is completely missing from this blog, I feel like I should fill you in on it.  There's so much I could say or should say.  But really, it doesn't feel like it was that eventful.  

I'm 28, about to turn 29, and honestly, 2013 wasn't all that different than 2012.  At least not on paper.  Same job, same place, same life.

But 2013 was also completely life-changing.  I've learned and grown, I've laughed and cried, I've felt desperate and settled, I've been joyful and sorrowful, I've missed home in Missouri and felt more and more like home is in Williams, I've felt like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and spent hours thinking about applying for a new job and moving.  

So, you know, I guess it really is more of the same.

Here are some 2013 highlights:

-New job title: Housekeeping Manager and Guest Group Communications Coordinator (Job responsbilities: big picture oversight of the HK dept, training HK Supervisor, working with the national HK team, doing all pre-event communication with every guest group at LC, communicating guest needs between departments, and, oh yeah, helping oversee our year-round intern program.  Yeah, it's getting a little crazy, but I do love it.)

-I traveled a LOT this year.  Which makes me very happy.  My job is making me travel more and more (5 trips since September) so that's fun.  In 2013, I went home 3 times, to NY, Michigan, San Diego, Mexico, Boston, Colorado, road-tripped from Atlanta to DC up the eastern seaboard, and took several weekend trips to Vegas, Sedona, Phoenix, Prescott, etc. 

-Still leading Young Life, still can't get over how much I love this tiny little town.  

-Hit the 5-year mark working for Young Life.  Which means 5 more vacation days a year and a whole lot of feeling shocked about how this job that I thought I would do for a couple years has turned into a career.

-I sold my Blazer.  I might have cried about it.  Because even though it didn't have air conditioning and had 160,000 miles on it, it marked the end of an era to get rid of it.  I had traveled a lot of places and cried a lot of tears in that car.  But it has a new life with a 16-year-old boy and I have a GMC Envoy that looks like a car a grown-up should drive.  

-I started thinking about things I should probably get a handle on before I turn 30 (which will happen in  just a little over a year).  Mainly, this means I've been listening to Suze Orman podcasts and putting an actual plan in place for my finances like a big girl.  

-I read a lot of books.  This felt awesome as it's extremely good for my soul but really easy to not do when I'm busy.  Mainly this came from reading the books that we assigned to the interns, but whatever it takes.

Yeah, not that unique of a year when you look at my life.  But a year where I learned to choose gratefulness instead of bitterness, a year where I felt really broken and a year where I learned how being honest about that brokenness makes me stronger- a better friend, mentor, supervisor, etc., a year where I learned how to put those two lessons together- how to let people see that I am not perfect but I am grateful.  A big year, a life-changing year, and yet, not a unique year.

So, here's hoping for more of the same in 2014.    

Song of the Day: Don't Give Up on Me by Solomon Burke

My Summer in Pictures

Per usual, I had an awesome summer.  And I can't put it in words.  But I'll post the pics and let them speak for themselves.

The first group of the summer being welcomed at Lost Canyon.  If this sight ever fails to get me, I'll know it's time to pack it in.

The HK Team was ready for Day 1.  In our staff polos.  Looking good.

This picture was part of the instructional slide show we use to explain the HK rules to the Work Crew and Summer Staff (our volunteer staff).  This is clearly showing what will happen if you take your camp blanket outdoors.

Our twashies (Work Crew housekeepers) handing out the Golden Glove aka the award for the cleanest cabin.

 

4th of July joy at the parade the Capernaum (YL for kids with special needs) campers put on at LC.



Friends at the Willy 4th of July parade.  Willy parades are glorious.

My office got a wall, a door, and air conditioning.  Big time!

I went to the Rockies.  More specifically Crooked Creek.

With these kids.  I love them.

I got a new camera so I can take pictures like this.  What up!

We obviously won the Golden Glove.  I am giving it all the admiration it deserves.

This is Lizeth and I.  I love her and this picture a lot.

Seriously, how cute are they?

Our camp follow-up involved watching a lot of Olympics.  This was my favorite coach-athlete combo.  They represent Belarus Trampolining.

Follow-up also involved lots of this kind of stuff.  High school boy is a species I don't understand.

Seriously, the end of this summer marks 3 years of life in Williams, AZ for me.  And it really does just keep getting better and better.  Who knew Williams would be so awesome?

Song of the Day:  Wagon Wheel by Old Crow Medicine Show

I'm Awesome at Life (Or Life is Awesome and I'm Arrogant)

Remember how I used to write on my blog all the time?  As in every, single day?  (Reference: January 2009.)

And then remember when I still wrote on my blog pretty often?  Like every other day?  (Reference: July 2009.)

And then remember when I wrote on my blog about once a week?  (Reference: 2010-2011.)

And then remember how I haven't written on my blog since April?  (Reference: now.)

Here's the thing:  I love to write.  It's where I do my best processing.  Especially on my blog.  Because I journal, too, but that ends up just being a huge wallowing mess of self-pity.  The social pressure keeps my blog from being that, so rather than a place I can complain, it's a place where I can take stock of my life.  A place where I can talk about things I love, things that make me laugh, things that bring me joy.

And mid-twenties, I was desparate for that place.  I wanted and needed to put my life out there and to have someone else validate it because I wasn't quite sure where I was headed.  And I needed people to tell me that was alright.

But I don't write on my blog very often anymore.  And I'm pretty sure that's because I've finally gotten to a place in my life where I can say, this is it.  This is who I am.  This is what I want my life to look like: I want to be busy, I want to love, I want to know and be known, I want to care for and about other people, I want to work at a job that is purposeful and fulfilling, I want to spend my life.  This is me.

I'm settled.  And rooted.  And committed to this job and this place and this life.

And it's pretty sweet.  I could keep blogging about that, but honestly, it would bore me and it would bore you, too. 

So, just know this:  I am happy.  And busy.  And joyful.  And life still gets really hard sometimes, but I am content.

And all that fear that I had, that my life would mean nothing and that settled meant settling, it's gone away.  Because life is still a crazy adventure and I have no idea what's coming next.

But I know what I'll be like when it does.  And I know that I'll write about it on my blog.  :)

Song of the Day: I Can't Make You Love Me/Nick of Time by Bon Iver (cover of Bonnie Raitt)

Desktop Favorites

OK, it's about a thousand years since I wrote on my blog. And I don't really have time to do it now.

So instead I'm just going to attach 3 things that I found saved on my desktop that I sort of love. (And yes, one of them is from what appears to be a poetry slam. Don't judge me.)

1) My postsecret secret. I didn't write it, but it's basically mine.

2) This lady's intense. But I love this, especially the part where she talks to her future daughter.

3) And this Damn You Autocorrect which never fails to make me laugh.

Yeah, that's all I've got right now. But you know me, I'll be back someday.

People are Nice.

So, I don't write one of those "look at everything wise and important I've been learning about the world" blogs. Mainly because I don't learn anything that wise and important on a regular basis. Maybe I'm a natural cynic or just not paying that close of attention, but I'm not having epiphanies every other day.

But something happened to me last week that made me have (what her highness Oprah would call) an A-ha Moment.

My friend and I got into it a little bit in a planning meeting. He was unhappy with something we were doing that was completely my idea. He said some things about the format (again, that I came up with and have been executing for several months now) that were not very flattering. Like, he said it was lame and boring.

Part of me wanted to be mad and defensive, but this guy's actually a really good friend of mine. And I know him pretty well. We've worked through our share of times where our big mouths got the best of us. So, I knew what he was wanting to convey. I knew he wasn't attacking me, he was trying to make suggestions so that the whole group of us could do things better. He was trying to be inspiring and was just completely missing it with me because he was accidentally insulting me.

So I wasn't upset. I know him.

After the meeting, he pulled me aside and apologized for what he said. He had realized through the course of the meeting that the ideas he was shooting down were all mine and that it probably wasn't the most sensitive way to say/go about things.

He was trying to justify himself and apologize when I cut him off to say the following sentences:

"Hey, don't worry about it. Seriously. I wasn't offended. You probably could've said that a little nicer, but I know you, I know you weren't trying to insult me."

The look on his face when I said that was like I had just given him a $1,000. He high-fived me. It was like a moment of accomplishment for him, that he didn't have to spend more moments of his life explaining how what he said was well-intentioned if insensitive, but instead I just got that.

I just understood that he's a good guy with a good heart who cares about people. And that sometimes his words come out wrong.

He was seriously thrilled with that.

And I realized how desperate we all are for that. I get myself into that situation a lot. I don't have a filter and I'm confident enough to want to speak my mind all the time. Some good things come out of that.

What doesn't often come out of that is people seeing that I care. But I do. A lot. I care about people and I try really hard to care for people. And sometimes when people think that I'm rude or bitchy, it just makes me lonely. Like people clearly just don't understand me.

And when someone can look past the insensitive thing I said or did and remember my heart and my goodness, it makes me feel really loved.

So I'm going to continue to try to do that for my friends. I'm going to choose to always remember how good they are, how much they want to love people well, how much they care.

Wouldn't that be awesome if we all did that for each other? I know I would spend a lot more time feeling good about myself. And I would spend a lot more time feeling good about my friends.

I want people to be free and confident and feel good. I'm going to do my best to dole that out.

Disclaimer: I will likely fail hard at this. What are you gonna do?

Song of the Day: If I Ever Leave This World Alive by Flogging Molly

Alright, I Changed My Mind

I don't know what it is, but I feel really good about 2012.

I've never really seen New Year's Eve as a holiday and I think resolutions are usually just a way to set yourself up to feel bad about yourself, so I don't get all that excited about the start of a new year. It's just a normal passage of time, right?

But other people love New Year's. It's all over the place: blog posts about resolutions, topics of conversation. Everyone has asked me, "What's your new year's resolution?"

Normally, I kind of roll my eyes at this, but this year for the first time, I think I get it.

It's a new year. New. A time to start over, a time to say I can be whatever I want to be.

It's hopeful.

And hopeful is always a good place to be in.

If you read my blog, then you know I talk a lot about how much I love my life. And that's true. But I'm also 26 and I get scared a lot. I'm never quite sure if this is where I'm supposed to be. I worry that I'm going to screw my life up. That somehow I'm going to make some decision that puts the rest of my life on a crap-spiral into nothing.

That's not hopeful.

In fact, that's kind of pitiful.

So, mid-twenties, I find the New Year's hype comforting. Because it's an excuse to believe that even if I don't quite have it together right now, this year I can get there. And if I don't, there's another year after that (well, if the Mayans are wrong).

And that's worth some fireworks.

Let's do this, 2012.

Song of the Day: The Girl by City and Color

Benny the Bachelor Takes on the Crazies (Ep. 1)

You know what today is?

It's one of my favorite days of the year, a time to renew hope and joy.

That's right, the Bachelor's back!

And it's starring Ben F., fresh off a rough rejection by Ashley. (Dodged a bullet there, Ben.)

The opening vignette shows Ben in all his goofy, wine-making, kayaking, piano-playing glory and it reaffirms how much I like him, despite his choice of neon tank top and badly staged dramatic posing.

Also returning to my TV screen: Chris Harrison, one of my favorite people in the world and someone I wish would hang out with me in real life (along with Jon Stewart).

The ladies appear with horses, shooting, creepy shots of watching Ben on the Bachelorette, catalogue modeling, sad-looking pregnant ladies with perky nurses, sob stories, a British girl in Scottsdale, a "blogger" who is clearly attempting to channel Carrie Bradshaw, the single mom, the divorcee, and so many cheesy limo exit strategies, I can't even begin to recount them.

I have to say, there were no real first impression winners to me. Normally, all it takes is the limo exits for me to know exactly who will win it, but really, they all sucked. Pretty bad.

But sucks at life equals awesome at cocktail parties and cat fights. Rapping, line dancing, blindfolds, push ups, delusional models talking too much, sweet grannies, crazy maniacal laughing, drunken crying, complete denial of drunken crying, and drunken crier talking to herself in the bathroom. Awesome.

Oh, yeah, and Lind-Z with the horse got the first impression rose. She sucks just as much as the rest of them.

Jenna the Blogger emerged from the bathroom just in time for the rose ceremony where the producers clearly made him keep both her and her nemesis, Monica. We also get to see more of the single mom, the grandma girl, the sweet young one from Tennesse, and many, many more. Some are crazy, some will be turned crazy by this process.

Ben told one of the girls she was a good hugger for which he has endeared himself to me until at least the next episode.

End of Episode 1 Top 3 Predictions: sweet Tennesee girl, PhD student, and Jamie who raised her siblings

Drama Predictions: High. Real high.

I. Love. This. Show.

This is Contentment

Dear Friends,

I'm in Boston. With my brother.

It has been epic in so many ways. I will be bringing a recap post very soon, although I'm not sure I can encompass the joy of both a big city and sibling shenanigans in words.

Sneak preview: public tranist, good Indian food, abundant coffee shops, beautiful fall weather, freedom trail tours, and play-instantly PBS miniseries on Netflix.

It's going to take all the willpower I have to make myself return to Willy and snow tomorrow.

Song of the Day: Skin and Bones by David J. Roch

Joy

It's November.

Do you know what that means?

That's right! It's Month 2 of the Christmas Season!

(Just like Wal-Mart, I start celebrating Christmas on October 1.)

(I don't shop at Wal-Mart, but if I did I'm sure I would see Christmas stuff starting in October.)

(I'm not too good for Wal-Mart, I just don't happen to shop there.)

(I'm from Missouri so I can't hate the Wal-Marts, but, well, you know...)

(Target.)

Christmas is my favorite time of the year. It is full of tradition, good food, hanging out with people you love, yummy seasonal drinks at Starbucks, presents, festive decorations, many parties. It just is so wonderful.

To prove my point, I'm going to share with you a timeline of my 3-month long Christmas season and then you tell me it's not awesome.

Sept. 6: Seasonal drinks start at Starbucks with the release of the PSL, aka Pumpkin Spice Latte. I realize Christmas season is coming and I am stoked.

Oct 1: Christmas season starts. We start playing the "Pop/R&B Holidays" station on Pandora at work. Not all day every day, but it is enough to start getting pumped.

Oct. 31: Christmas Season Holiday #1: Halloween. I've always loved passing out candy on Halloween and you know I love me any chance to wear a ridiculous costume, but my love of Halloween has increased since moving to Williams. They do Halloween up right around here with kids of all ages running around town, people passing out candy everywhere, parties, haunted houses, etc. Things like Halloween are really made for small towns.

Nov. 1: Holiday Drinks start at Starbucks. Egg Nog Lattes are delicious though make me want to barf because they're so rich. And I get all my drinks in a festive red cup. My latte consumption increases 7-fold. (Seriously.)

Nov. 1: Half-price Halloween Candy. Enough said.

Nov. 8-13: I go to Boston to see my brother. This isn't really a tradition, but it is going to be awesome.

Nov. 13: Williams Community Thanksgiving Dinner at Lost Canyon. We invite the whole town to a pre-Thanksgiving dinner at Lost Canyon. Seriously about a quarter of the town comes. Again, small town awesomeness.

Nov. 24: Christmas Season Holiday #2: Thanksgiving, aka Friendsgiving. Pumpkin cinnamon rolls while watching the parade. Cooking all day. Building a fire and doing the full-page crossword. Watching all the Friends Thanksgiving Episodes. And, this year only, Friendsgiving will be taking place in a house in Zion with 15 of my closest friends from Williams. This is guaranteed to be awesome.

Nov. 27: Williams Christmas Parade and Tree Lighting. There are no words to describe this event. It is something you must just see.

Nov. 28: My brother's birthday. I always waste the good present on this one and then don't know what to get him for Christmas, but it always means that we're really close to being home and acting like kids for a couple weeks. Christmas is near.

Dec. 1-20: December Christmas Movie Marathon at the Chateau. We play a Christmas movie a night, starting with Elf and including some of my personal favorites: Home Alone 1 and 2, Muppet Christmas Carol, Love Actually, and Charlie Brown Christmas.

Dec. 3-6: Debbie and Kate Go to New York. I'm returning to the Big Apple with my roommate who has never been. So we get to go see all the Christmas cheer: Rockefeller Center, store windows, Christmas markets, Broadway shows. My heart is happy simply thinking about it.

Dec. 14: Lost Canyon Staff Christmas Party. Last year this took place at something called the Winchester Steakhouse and included a country legends cover band. I can only imagine what this year will entail. It is rare that our entire staff is forced to be in social setting together and it always equals something really great.

Dec. 15: Housekeeping Half Day at Lost Canyon. Every month, one department on camp gets our whole staff for a half day so that you can get big projects done. It also is required that you include an hour of fun and games so that we get to just hang out. My month is December. So, I get a ridiculous amount of work done and I get to force my friends to do things like play telephone charades or do karaoke. I think you can see why this is awesome.

Dec. 17: Home to Missouri. The festivities really kick into high gear. I will meet my brother at the airport and immediately start laughing, arguing, and all around being loud. It's really the truest form of me.

Dec. 18: Mizzou vs. William and Mary. My dad hasn't told me for sure that this is happening yet. (Hint, dad.) But I'm going to go ahead and put it on the calendar. We always do one family sporting event per Christmas. Some years it was Blues games, but my parents have a suite at Mizzou games now, so we've made the switch. It always includes dinner somewhere in Columbia and strong moments of reliving my college years.

Dec. 20 (approximate date): Christmas Decoration Night. We will start by decorating our tree. Not the pretty tree because my mom will already have that up, but our tree with all our childhood ornaments. So ugly, so nostalgic, so great. This night will also include the traditional Tichelkamp Nativity Challenge. Whoever gets baby Jesus wins. I have a lot of wins built up, so my record is fairly secure.

Dec. 23 (again, approximate because my family hasn't made the switch to Christmas excitement quite the way I have): Moon Family Christmas. My mom's extended family. Cousins, aunts, uncles, all at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Doesn't matter how old I get, this is still a joy. (Various other extended family Christmases may or may not be included around this time, but they are less consistent because "people have their own families now." Grandma Moon will never fail us single people.)

Entire duration of trip home: Lots of satellite TV, lots of games, lots of food, lots of snarkiness. (Probably some drama- can family time go without it?)

Dec. 24: Christmas Season Holiday #3: Mom's House Christmas. We will have our traditional Christmas dinner. The dishes were chosen when my brother and I were 5 and 6 and my mom asked us, "What do you want for Christmas dinner?" We chose what we thought were the dishes you would serve at a fancy dinner. Some additions/subtractions have been made over the years, but the core stays the same: steak, shrimp from a box, pink salad (jello concoction for those of you not from the Midwest), broccoli cheese casserole, assorted candy/cookie plate for dessert (baked on Christmas Decoration Night). Dinner is followed by presents and then playing one of the games that we received as a family from Santa.

Dec. 25: Christmas Season Holiday #4: Dad's House Christmas. We no longer do early morning wake up, present open because my oldest brother has kids that are old enough to care and they have to do Christmas at their house first. So we sleep in, wake up, put A Christmas Story on TBS on the TV where it will stay on all day, and make Christmas Day Lunch including ham, sweet potatoes, cheesy taters, green bean casserole, homemade bread, and red velvet cake and pecan pie for dessert. This is followed by presents which is followed by a wrapping paper war. We then hang out for about an hour while my brother puts his kids' presents together and we all play with them. We watch part of A Christmas Story and then shift into the traditional Family Game Night portion of the evening. This tends to include too much booze and someone crying, but we still love it and do it every year anyway. I can count on laughing real hard and eating a lot of chipped beef dip (sounds disgusting but is, in fact, delicious).

Dec. 31: Christmas Season Holiday #5: New Year's Eve. I normally spend this at home with my brother and sister, playing games, drinking wine, and being awesome. But I will be back in Willy for it this year. Not sure what will happen but I'm positive it will be fun and low-key which is always what I need after holiday nuttiness.

OK, did you read all of that? And can you still begrudge me for the 3-month celebration? It is totally deserved.

Happy Christmas Season, everyone!

Song of the Day: All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah

Today at Work, I...

-Went to our morning meeting.

-Answered the question of the day (What's the last movie you saw in the theaters?) with Footloose.

-Laughed when I realized that the same answer came from about half of our staff.

-Thought again about how bad that movie was.

-Went to Clarabelle's.

-Gave my staff the vision for the day.

-Sent them on their way.

-Signed time cards and created our schedule through the end of November.

-Made coffee.

-Got excited when my coworker said she was going to Flag to Sam's Club.

-Sent said coworker a list that include 18 bottles of Soft Scrub with Bleach.

-Dropped time cards off at the main office.

-Went back to my office.

-Drank coffee.

-Looked at bedding online and tried to exactly match a color through the internet.

-Found that impossible and stressed about it a little.

-Chatted with one of our maintenance guys about Tony LaRussa's retirement and how much I want Albert Pujols to come back.

-Sent an email to a rep about some sheets. He called me back to try to sell me mattresses.

-Got excited when another of my coworkers said they were going to the hardware store.

-Asked said coworker to buy all the pumice stones that they have at the hardware store.

-Bummed out when said coworker called to tell me that they only had one pumice stone at the hardware store.

-Realized this is because we live in a small town and I had already bought all the rest of them a couple of weeks ago.

-Researched where I can buy pumice stones on the internet.

-Spent a little more time looking at sheets online and sending more emails to my rep about the 20 samples I want him to send me. Maybe if I get enough samples, I won't need to buy any sheets.

-Realized my logic was flawed.

-Went downstairs and saw that nobody told me we're almost out of our main cleaning chemical.

-Rolled my eyes a little and went back upstairs to order more chemicals.

-Went back downstairs and forgot what I had gone down there for in the first place.

-Ate a piece of chocolate while trying to remember.

-Gave up, went back upstairs, and refilled my coffee.

-Drafted a long email to a guest group coming at the end of November.

-Had to erase my attempts at humor from the email and repeat my mantra, "Funny doesn't equal professional."

-Sent email and realized I forgot to attach the 3 sheets that the email specifically stated I had attached.

-Sent email #2 with said attachments. Embraced the humor in this one.

-Created an event and reservation within our reservations manager for said group.

-Finished creating an event and reservation after approximately 4 more attempts.

-Felt good about myself because the last one I did took about 9 attempts.

-Realized that it was lunch time only because my staff came back to Clarabelle's and asked, "Is it alright if we head to lunch?"

-Wrote this blog post.

-Decided I was going to work on the actual to-do list I have for today after lunch.

-Loved my job and appreciated how completely random it is.

Song of the Day: Ophelia by The Band

Baseball and Coffee: Two of My Favorite Things

Before I get to anything else: The Cardinals won the World Series last night. After being 10 1/2 games back in late August.

If you understand how awesome this is, well, then you understand how content I am today.

If you don't get it, I understand but I'm a little sad for you.

It was awesome.

And now I start the 5 month wait until I get to watch baseball again.

You know what else is awesome? That I've been at the coffee shop today for approximately 3 hours and am not planning on leaving anytime soon.

I've hung out with a friend, had an Americano, edited a video for club on Monday, spent some time aimlessly interneting, listened to some good music, and altogether had an awesome Saturday morning.

I like my life.

Song of the Day: Dirty Rain by Ryan Adams (Yes, there's a new Ryan Adams album out. And yes, it has helped make my life more complete. I love me some Ryan Adams.)

Thank You, Mr. Jobs

Yesterday, my roommate told me Steve Jobs died.

I was shocked. More shocked then is fitting for someone I didn't know. And I was saddened. I was a little surprised at how much I cared.

I love Mac products. I love the company: the way it inovates and the obvious joy it takes in creating. And how that combination equals some seriously kick-ass technology. And Steve Jobs was the face of that company for so long.

But he was not just a face, he was not just a spokesperson. It was clear, and has become more clear in the coverage of his life in the past couple of days, that he was THE innovator.

He created. And he took great joy in that. He loved the products he put out. He made exciting things, things that sounded like just dreams to other people. He didn't create for profit and sometimes he bombed hard (Mac Cube, anyone?), but he kept making things.

He devoted his life to it. And he clearly loved it.

And that changes the world.

There has been so much coverage in the last couple of days, and I have been engrossed with it. I've loved reading about the life he lived and the vision he employed. And I've been sad to think of everything we're going to miss out on with his early passing.

Of all the quotes and articles I've read, there's a couple that I've really loved. The first is his commencement address at Stanford, where he so clearly imparts what he really believes: that if you do what you love, if you follow your gut and set aside fear, you will know true success.

And then this article, that uses Mr. Jobs as an example of what true philanthropy is, which has little to do with how much money you give and so much more to do with using all of your potential to do whatever you love as excellently as you can.

I hope that I can as faithfully use my talents in this life. Thanks for the inspiration, Mr. Jobs.

Accidental Habits

Houses in Northern Arizona don't have air conditioning.

It's weird to me because I grew up in humid Mid-Missouri, where we would get concerned that old people would die in the summer if they didn't have air conditioning. Seriously, we had fan drives we were so concerned.

But we don't really need it in NorAZ. It's beautiful all summer long. As long as you can open your windows, you're set.

Unfortunately for me, I don't have any windows in my room. I have beautiful french doors that open onto my deck, but no windows. And if I leave the doors open, I get giant bugs that fly into my face while I'm trying to sleep. Not cool, bugs.

So I developed a new habit this summer. Every night, I would go into my room and open up my doors. I would then get ready for bed, make sure my ceiling fan and my humidifier were on and then I would step out onto my deck and curl up into my adirondack chairs.

My theory was that if I could just get cool, then I could go back in and go to sleep comfortably. And it's cool out in NorAZ on summer nights. So it worked. I would sit out there for 15 minutes and go back in my room kind of chilly.

Problem solved.

But something else happened, too. Because my life is crazy. And I feel like I go, go, go all day every day.

But every night I had 15 minutes to sit out under the stars. Sometimes I would read articles on my iPhone news apps. Sometimes I would listen to music. But most of the time I would just sit quietly. And look at the ridiculously beautiful stars. And think about nothing.

It's pretty cold at night now, but I still go out there anyway. Because it turns out I need that time to just sit and be still. To shiver in the cold and realize that the world is bigger than me and my busy-ness. To be quiet. To look at the stars.

NorAZ doesn't have air conditioning. And it turns out that's really good for me.

Song of the Day: The Show by Lenka, performed by 12-year-old Kerris Dorsey

I Might Be Fickle

I'll own it. I love facebook.

You're probably going to remind me that I have written the exact opposite of that statement before. And that I have a blog tag that says "facebook sucks."

I'll own it. I'm a hypocrite.

For real, though, I did not know it was possible to simultaneously love and hate something so much.

I check it all the time. I probably see everything you post on my news feed. I like knowing what my friends (and mild acquaintances) are up to. I'm narcissistic enough to believe that people want to hear about what I'm doing and see pictures of me.

But I think some of the appeal might be the danger in it.

Facebook is like one big game of emotional roulette. About 20% of the time after going on facebook, I feel bad about myself.

There I'll be, looking at pictures of someone's baby or wedding or what they ate that day (seriously, why do you post pictures of you food? that's one thing I don't care about), and I'll be loving every minute of it.

And then, BAM!

Someone I went to school with just got a new job as a travel writer and is getting paid $7 millionty to spend their life traveling and writing. Or there's some dude I thought I liked for 2 seconds who appears in his internet life to be happier then me, thus winning the ex-war. Or someone's living in NYC. Or Paris. Or London.

And I'm jealous. And I look around at the life that I normally love and it doesn't look so pretty.

It's like someone's on stage with their fly down. I feel bad but there's nothing I can do to make it stop. So I just keep watching and keep feeling bad.

I love facebook. But facebook sucks.

You know what I'm saying?

Song of the Day: Starry Eyed by Ellie Goulding (Warning: It is impossible to hear this song without wanting to dance around your house.)

I'm Tired

You know what proves to me that I'm definitely not ready to have kids? I haven't been sleeping well for about a week now and I am so pissed off about it I can barely function.

Seriously, I'm tired, I'm cranky, I've been tearing up over nothing.

It's pathetic. And that's after one week. I don't even want to know what kind of constant rage I would be in if some tiny little person was waking me up before I was ready all the time.

It wouldn't be pretty. And neither would I. (For real, the dark circles under my eyes make me look like a rejected extra from Twilight.)

I think I just have some residual stress built up in me. Nothing a vacation can't fix. And since I have a 4-day weekend coming my way, I'm feeling pretty good.

Speaking of my 4-day weekend, my dad and step-mom are coming to visit tomorrow. They'll hang out in Williams and see Route 66 (it's really a sight to behold), and then we're all going to drive down to Phoenix where it is 100 degrees and there's a pool. And Mizzou is playing at ASU. It's going to be awesome. Missouri meets Arizona- a collision of two of my favorite things.

So, that's going to be great. And I'm going to be relaxed and sleep well and get rid of the ridiculous farmer's tan that I still have left from this summer.

I'm relaxed just writing about it...

Song of the Day: Soldier by Ingrid Michaelson

I Lied. It was an Accident, Though.

OK, so a few days ago, I listed all the things my blog wouldn't be about. One of them was sports.

That was a little bit of a lie because I am bound to write about sports now and again. Because, you know, I love my Cardinals and my Tigers.

But my blog won't be about sports.

It'll still be about me. You can count on that as a constant.

But sometimes I spend my days watching football and I need to tell you about it. Like Saturday, when I watched football in my basement for 14 hours.

It was awesome. Some would even say it was the perfect day. (Some= Abigail.)

Here's how the day went:

8:00 Wake up, brush teeth, turn on College Game Day, finish making pumpkin cinnamon rolls I started the night before.

9:00 Cinnamon rolls baked and iced, channel changed to start of Mizzou game

9:15 Susie and Debbie wake up, grab cinnamon rolls and coffee, join me in our loft.

9:45 Abigail and Jill pull up outside. Abigail jumps out of the car and starts running into the house before Jill puts the car in park. Abigail might be as stoked as me.

10:30 Halftime. We move to the basement. Much better for football watching.

12:00 Mizzou game is over, we flip between UCLA/Houston and USC/Minnesota . Abigail is content. (She's a Pac-12 girl.)

1:00 Afternoon snacks come out. Guacamole and spinach dip. Perfect.

2:45 Debbie leaves for work. We all pity her.

3:45 Jill leaves to do homework. We all pity her more.

4:00 Important afternoon games are over. We nap with BYU/Ole Miss on in the background.

4:52 Susie and I wake up and watch last 3 plays of game.

4:56 Abigail wakes up. The first words out of her mouth are: "This is the best day ever."

5:00 Oregon/LSU starts. I try to explain why I don't like the Ducks even though I want to. I can't. We flip at commercials to BSU/UGA and I insist on catching a couple plays of Oklahoma.

5:30 The announcers are talking about Oklahoma, Texas, OK State, and Texas Tech going to the Pac-12. I get mad and yell some things I can't repeat here.

6:00 We order pizza and wings because, well, you know... Football Saturdays.

6:30 Jill comes back because, you know, pizza and wings.

8:00 Oregon loses. Susie is bummed but the rest of us don't care that much. We switch to the UofA/NAU game because it's funny.

10:00 Games are over, we switch to Sports Center to watch the coverage of all the games we just watched.

11:00 Everyone is asleep on couches besides me so we decide to call it a night. I start carrying all the trash and stuff upstairs to find that my roommate Katie did all the dishes we had left up there. I declare Katie a saint, wash my face, brush my teeth, and go straight to sleep.

There it is: 14 hours of football.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I think I shouldn't enjoy 14 hours of football that much.

But I do.

You see, I have this life here. And it's great. But it's not the life I grew up with.

It's different.

I'm not that different. But my life is.

So I watch 14 hours of football. Because of some kind of nostalgic weirdness, it makes me feel like me. It makes me think of my family, where they are and what they're doing. It makes me think of the streets I used to walk down and the shops I used to visit and the people that I used to see every day.

It makes me think of so much laughter. And so much fun. Of being really young and learning how to be on my own. Of home.

You see, I have this life. This life that I never even thought to dream of. That in some ways is so much more than what I could have dreamed up. And, in some ways, is so far from where I wanted to be.

I have this life that is always changing, always full of surprises.

But I'm still me. You can count on that as a constant.

And I still love 14 hours of college football and lazy Saturdays.

Song of the Day: We Don't Eat by James Vincent McMorrow (I seriously can't stop listening to this song. Look up the lyrics, they're amazing.)

Compromise is Key

Almost 2 years ago, I moved to Williams, AZ.

I made this move for a lot of reasons: the job I love is here, some really cool people are here, we have the Polar Express.

One reason I did not make this move: to find a husband.

Intelligent, funny, goal-oriented, compassionate, adventurous, late-20s to early-30s bachelors don't really exist in Williams.

It's fine. I've made my peace with it. I don't hate Williams for it.

Mainly because I feel like Williams and I have come to a good compromise. I will sing its praises to everyone I talk to as long as it keeps providing me with cute tourists to ease the sting.

Seriously, I find it weird, but really attractive men vacation in Williams, AZ. You would think it would be all old people and foreigners (which, for the most part, it is), but what I didn't anticipate were the hikers. They love the Grand Canyon. And being outdoorsy. And cute.

They also love to shop in our Safeway.

And I love to show them some small-town hospitality over the produce.

Yep, I accept this compromise Williams. Because I don't really want a husband that bad. But harmless flirtation in Aisle 9? Yes, please.

Song of the Day: The Perfect Space by the Avett Brothers