Benny the Bachelor Takes on the Crazies (Ep. 1)

You know what today is?

It's one of my favorite days of the year, a time to renew hope and joy.

That's right, the Bachelor's back!

And it's starring Ben F., fresh off a rough rejection by Ashley. (Dodged a bullet there, Ben.)

The opening vignette shows Ben in all his goofy, wine-making, kayaking, piano-playing glory and it reaffirms how much I like him, despite his choice of neon tank top and badly staged dramatic posing.

Also returning to my TV screen: Chris Harrison, one of my favorite people in the world and someone I wish would hang out with me in real life (along with Jon Stewart).

The ladies appear with horses, shooting, creepy shots of watching Ben on the Bachelorette, catalogue modeling, sad-looking pregnant ladies with perky nurses, sob stories, a British girl in Scottsdale, a "blogger" who is clearly attempting to channel Carrie Bradshaw, the single mom, the divorcee, and so many cheesy limo exit strategies, I can't even begin to recount them.

I have to say, there were no real first impression winners to me. Normally, all it takes is the limo exits for me to know exactly who will win it, but really, they all sucked. Pretty bad.

But sucks at life equals awesome at cocktail parties and cat fights. Rapping, line dancing, blindfolds, push ups, delusional models talking too much, sweet grannies, crazy maniacal laughing, drunken crying, complete denial of drunken crying, and drunken crier talking to herself in the bathroom. Awesome.

Oh, yeah, and Lind-Z with the horse got the first impression rose. She sucks just as much as the rest of them.

Jenna the Blogger emerged from the bathroom just in time for the rose ceremony where the producers clearly made him keep both her and her nemesis, Monica. We also get to see more of the single mom, the grandma girl, the sweet young one from Tennesse, and many, many more. Some are crazy, some will be turned crazy by this process.

Ben told one of the girls she was a good hugger for which he has endeared himself to me until at least the next episode.

End of Episode 1 Top 3 Predictions: sweet Tennesee girl, PhD student, and Jamie who raised her siblings

Drama Predictions: High. Real high.

I. Love. This. Show.