But something happened to me last week that made me have (what her highness Oprah would call) an A-ha Moment.
My friend and I got into it a little bit in a planning meeting. He was unhappy with something we were doing that was completely my idea. He said some things about the format (again, that I came up with and have been executing for several months now) that were not very flattering. Like, he said it was lame and boring.
Part of me wanted to be mad and defensive, but this guy's actually a really good friend of mine. And I know him pretty well. We've worked through our share of times where our big mouths got the best of us. So, I knew what he was wanting to convey. I knew he wasn't attacking me, he was trying to make suggestions so that the whole group of us could do things better. He was trying to be inspiring and was just completely missing it with me because he was accidentally insulting me.
So I wasn't upset. I know him.
After the meeting, he pulled me aside and apologized for what he said. He had realized through the course of the meeting that the ideas he was shooting down were all mine and that it probably wasn't the most sensitive way to say/go about things.
He was trying to justify himself and apologize when I cut him off to say the following sentences:
"Hey, don't worry about it. Seriously. I wasn't offended. You probably could've said that a little nicer, but I know you, I know you weren't trying to insult me."
The look on his face when I said that was like I had just given him a $1,000. He high-fived me. It was like a moment of accomplishment for him, that he didn't have to spend more moments of his life explaining how what he said was well-intentioned if insensitive, but instead I just got that.
I just understood that he's a good guy with a good heart who cares about people. And that sometimes his words come out wrong.
He was seriously thrilled with that.
And I realized how desperate we all are for that. I get myself into that situation a lot. I don't have a filter and I'm confident enough to want to speak my mind all the time. Some good things come out of that.
What doesn't often come out of that is people seeing that I care. But I do. A lot. I care about people and I try really hard to care for people. And sometimes when people think that I'm rude or bitchy, it just makes me lonely. Like people clearly just don't understand me.
And when someone can look past the insensitive thing I said or did and remember my heart and my goodness, it makes me feel really loved.
So I'm going to continue to try to do that for my friends. I'm going to choose to always remember how good they are, how much they want to love people well, how much they care.
Wouldn't that be awesome if we all did that for each other? I know I would spend a lot more time feeling good about myself. And I would spend a lot more time feeling good about my friends.
I want people to be free and confident and feel good. I'm going to do my best to dole that out.
Disclaimer: I will likely fail hard at this. What are you gonna do?
Song of the Day: If I Ever Leave This World Alive by Flogging Molly
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