Here You Go, Paige

Why is that I feel more productive when I spend 3 hours on my computer at a coffee shop than I do when I spend 3 hours on my computer at home?  

I think it's because I at least interact with the world while I'm in a coffee shop.  I see people and I talk to them and I laugh internally when they almost fall out of their chairs while stretching.  (Just happened to the guy across from me.  It was HI-larious.  He was embarrassed.)

There's something comforting about being in the presence of other people, even though literally everyone else here is on their computers or reading a book.  Even though everyone's engaged in solitary pursuits, we're doing it together.  It reminds me of being in the living room of Condo 55 and literally all 5 of us would be on our computers not talking, but at least we were together.  It's nice.

On another note, I am perilously close to being actually penniless.  It's kind of scary.  It made me cry yesterday but then I got over it.  I had to call in the dad and that severely dented my pride.  But now he's going to help me do a little refinancing (I don't know what that is) and it's going to be better.  Maybe I should let people help me more often...  Ha!  Who am I kidding?  I can do everything on my own.  (I was born in the feminist 80s, people.  Don't tell me I can't do something.)

Wow, my ego surprises even me sometimes.  

All this to say, if anyone knows someone who needs a day laborer or anything in KC, let me know.  As long as it's legal, I'll do it.

Oh, and if you have a USBank account, you should close it now.  They suck.  A lot.  

Song of the Day:  Nine in the Afternoon by Panic at the Disco

Not Another Twilight Post

This going to be one of those posts that I fully expect people to make fun of me for.  I'll actually judge you a little if you don't make fun of me.  It's going to be that lame.

But I'm going to write it anyway.

A couple days ago, I was hanging out with Liz and she was, of course, making fun of me about being a fan of Twilight.  As I've stated before, I feel like I deserve to be made fun of for being a fan of Twilight, so I'm completely unoffended by the fact that she takes so much joy in teasing me for this fact.  I fully comprehend how lame it is that I was thinking about Twilight enough to have a blog post about it. 

But Liz was asking me why I like the books so much and I was again trying to explain it to her and came up with nothing.  I really have no idea why the books are so addicting, they just are.

However, I was thinking about it later and realized that Twilight actually does contain a world view that I think is kind of rare that really speaks to my heart.  Let me share.

For those of you who are blissfully unaware, the main characters of the book are Edward and Bella.  Edward has become like a modern-day Romeo to teenage girls for some reason and he really is oddly compelling.  Edward (and the other 6 members of his family) don't live as normal vampires.  They have made a decision to resist their overwhelming desire to feast on human blood and instead survive on the blood of animals even though this proves extremely difficult for them.

I always assumed the fascination with Edward came from his white-knight complex, the fact that he is always saving Bella from various peril.  I, being me, find this a little disgusting.  I don't really buy into the idea that I want someone to swoop in and take over my life and  make everything better.  In fact, that sounds horrible.

And yet, I find Edward fascinating.  And here's the reason why:  I think he's a great example of what a load of crap it is to believe that there is some kind of evil nature that controls us.  

This is my fundamental pet peeve with the world.

You read the book and you get frustrated with Edward because he believes he is this irredeemable monster even though everything he is says different.  Every choice he makes says different.  I understand that he is good, not just because he does good things but because he desires good.  I understand that what he desires makes him who he is.  And he desires to be good more than anything else.  Why is it impossible to believe this about ourselves?

I'm not naive.  I look at the world and see war, hate, bigotry, discord, anger, evil.  I understand those things.  But I do not believe that they are at our core.

Everything I have experienced of the world tells me that people are at the core good, that we are made in the likeness of something beautiful and creative and loving.  

We deal with evil.  We have urges to lie, to steal, to hurt.  And sometimes we do these things.  But sometimes we choose to give, to understand, to love.

Why is that we believe that the evil is our natural desire and that we're going against our nature to do good?  I think it's the other way around.  I think the good is our natural desire and that's why evil leads to such emptiness.  I think that our conscious is not some other-world voice of judgment, but a measure of our true nature.  We desire good more than evil.  We are good more than evil.  

Just like Edward.

I don't write this as a charge to do more good things, I write this in hope that more people will believe that they are simply good.  Not just good, but very good.  I think that can change our lives.  

OK, proceed to make fun of me for using Twilight analogies for real life.        

Yummy

So one thing I've discovered since becoming extremely broke is that you can make legit meals at home.

For example, Ashley and I created a Chipotle in our house tonight.

I know many of you will consider this blasphemy, but I made a burrito that was as good as a Chipotle burrito.  It happened.

Here's a picture:

Yeah, you can be jealous... It was delicious.

Here's Ashley digging in:

Moral of the story: frugality can be delicious.

I Like These People

www.playingforchange.com

Spring Has Sprung

I love Spring.

That's all I really need to say today.

I love the fact that it's warm outside but not so hot that you sweat.  I love that right now it's swirly and windy and going to storm.  I love when it does storm because it never really lasts that long and it stays warm.

In about 3 months, I am going to be incessantly whining about how hot it is outside (especially since the air conditioning has been broken in my car for about 3 years now).  But right now, I am reveling in being able to roll my windows down while I drive. 

And I get to do one of my absolute favorite things: read outside!  That's right, I plan to spend a good portion of my afternoon laying on a blanket in the park alternately reading and napping.  There is literally no better way to spend a day.

Baseball is back.  Barbeques are in fashion again.  Kite flying is encouraged.  

Combine all of this with white chocolate Reese's eggs on Easter at Aunt Sue's and you've got the perfect season.

Thank you, Spring!

Song of the Day: Lost by Coldplay ft. Jay-Z

Pity Party

Earlier today I was thinking about how my brother's coming home next weekend and we're going to go back to Mid-MO and hang out with the fam.

I was thinking about how that was going to be nice and how it is kind of pleasant that I am within an easy driving distance of Jeff/Columbia if I do want to go.  

And then I started thinking about how I would have to fill up on gas probably twice during the weekend.

And then I got that "Oh, my god, I'm so broke I literally can't afford to drive home for the weekend" queasy feeling in my stomach.  In fact, I'm kind of getting it again now.

For the most part, I really don't care how much money I have.  I don't need a lot.  I don't live a very pricey lifestyle.  But when it gets to the point that I really don't know how I'm going to pay my bills, I start to panic.  

Mainly this is due to the fact that I hate hate hate having to admit that I can't take care of myself.  Some would call this stubbornness and misplaced pride.  I call it healthy independence.

Oh well.  I'll figure something out.  And in the meantime, I'll practice humility.  And patience.  And frugality.  Three things I'm not great at.  But I'm going to become a superstar at.  Just you wait.

Song of the Day: Haley by Needtobreathe (Most relatable song ever... Everyone's been here.)

I Just Cried Watching the Real World

And it wasn't because I was contemplating what the state of the world will be when our generation is in charge.

It was actually because of a guy on the show named Ryan.

In case you don't watch the Real World (I respect you), Ryan is a 23ish Southern Army guy who has served in Iraq.  That's his hook on the show and when he talks about it they put up the little think MTV plug and play commercials about Rock the Vote.

Normally the Real World is something I have on in the background and perk up whenever there's fights, but tonight had me hooked.  Tonight's episode was all about Ryan and his time in the military.  They showed him going to a bunch of different veteran's stuff and talking a lot about what it was like to serve in the war, etc.  

And then they showed him get the call that he was going back to Iraq.

And I lost it.

I feel like war is so unreal.  It's something that is literally impossible to fathom if you haven't lived it.  I can listen to people talk about it, I can read about it, I can watch movies.  But I don't comprehend the horror of it.

My senior project in college was a community education seminar focusing on helping families with deployed loved one.  Even with all the research and talking to families and veterans and everyone I could, I still can't fathom it.

The part that got me was when Ryan started telling his roommate about it right after he got the call.  He was immediately resigned, immediately said I'll go.  But then he started talking about how mad his girlfriend was going to be, and then he started crying when he said he just didn't want to put his parents through it again.

On an educational level, I know what deployment does to families.  I can tell you all the strategies to get through it, to try to stay close, to deal with it.  But I can't understand what it feels like to have your child, your spouse, you parent in constant danger.  I can't understand that fear.  And I can't understand how these kids, younger than me, fight our wars.  

So my heart is heavy because we live in a world that breeds war and hate.  

And yet somehow I'm optimistic because I see people heal and love and live and strive for more.  

And I have to believe that the people in charge are seeking the good of mankind.  What else can we do?

Sorry that was a downer.  I'll try to be witty tomorrow. 

Creativity Does Not Run in My Family

Does anyone else constantly wish that they had some kind of creative talent?

I feel as though I have the capacity to be creative.  I can be pretty moody.  I appreciate beautiful sunsets.  Sometimes I stare out the window thinking deep thoughts.  You would think that all of these things would equal the ability to do something creative.

But no.

I have seen a lot of really beautiful things in my life.  The inlets in British Columbia, the reservoir in the Canyon, the mountains of Colorado, the big blue sky in Wyoming, the stars at the top of the hill on Muddy Road, people spread in the grass in Central Park, the Columbia River Gorge, the steps of Sacre Coeur, the sun setting on the Missouri River, an empty old leaf covered park in a tiny town in Spain, the desert, the woods, lakes, the forests.  

Standing in all of these spots, I had the same thought.

I wish I could capture this.

I'll run through my options in my head.

I take a picture.  I look at it on my tiny camera screen and become frustrated because it looks small and not that impressive.  The lighting's wrong and it's probably a little blurry because I don't have the steadiest of hands.

I think about how awesome what I'm looking at would be as a painting.  You could get the light right and the something intangible that somehow can translate when it's not an exact rendering.  But then I remember my unsteady hand that so negatively affected my picture.  Painting's not going to work.

So maybe I'll write a poem about it.  I open my journal and go to work.  I use the words beauty and pretty and then I'm out of adjectives.  I stick with the general A-B-A-B rhyme pattern.  I get frustrated again when I realize that the poem reads like something that would be found in an elementary school newspaper.

I try turning the poem into a song.  I realize that I'm completely ripping off a Kelly Clarkson melody that's been stuck in my head and move on.

I try prose.  Maybe I can just write about it.  Maybe I can find the words that will somehow paint a picture of this place for anyone who comes across them.  I grasp for something, anything that could describe it.  I fail.

I give up.  I admit defeat.  I have no creativity in my entire body.  But then I realize I'm extremely lucky to see what I see.  And maybe I can't share it with anybody else, but I'm going to enjoy it.  And remember it in a blog.  That'll be enough.

But really, there are some people who sing, play, draw, paint, and publish all at the same time.  Can't I just do one of those things?  Without having to practice or learn anything?  I don't think that's too much to ask.

Song of the Day: Everything I Do by Whiskeytown (I have to make these into videos to put them on the blog, so this is accompanied by a picture of one of my favorite places on the planet... I assure you it doesn't do it the slightest bit of justice.)

Cool Kids Play Board Games

I haven't written on my blog in a few days and that is mainly out of protest since nobody at all answered my awesome and thought provoking question from my last post.

Or any of my questions.  Ever.

It's fine.  

I'm not mad.

(But seriously, they're not rhetorical questions.)

On to more pressing matters: 

We had some friends over for dinner and games tonight.  (Awesome!)

We played Scene It Battle of the Sexes and the girls lost.  (Not awesome.)

It was one of those nights that I didn't even so much care that I lost (a shocking statement from me, I know) because I was just glad to have people play games with me.  And to cook dinner for people.  And to simply hang out and tell stories and laugh.  I miss that part of community.  

So I'm going on a mission to make everyone in KC love staying in and watching movies/playing games as much as I do.  That's easier said than done because the young, single, 20-something crowd here loves a good night out.  I'm not a total lame-o, I do enjoy going out for dinner/drinks every once in a while.  But I really like to talk to people and that is hard to do in a bar.  And I'm too broke to get anything but water.

Answer: lure people to my home with the promise of food and fun, then deliver.  It is a fool proof plan.  (Not too many people at once though.  I get overwhelmed.)

I now want you to go back through this post and pinpoint when I gave up any semblance of trying to seem cool.  

Song of the Day: Green Eyed Boy by Haley Bonar

The Office vs. Signs

I have one question and one question only:

What douche bag do you secretly love more:  Michael Scott or Joaquin Phoenix?

This is a tough one for me.  Good at heart offensive narcissist or legit actor who has gone legitimately crazy playing the world's most elaborate practical joke?  

I like them both.

What do you think?

The Best Thing About Spring

I found a Caribou Coffee only 5 miles from my house.

I am happy.

Maybe they'll hire me?

This is definitely a strong contender in the GNKCCSS09.

On to more pressing matters.

I actually feel as though I have failed you all a little and misrepresented myself in the meantime.  There is something very vital to humanity happening right now and I have not blogged about it at all.

That's right.  Spring training!

The boys of summer are back, although it is hard to believe when it's supposed to snow tonight here.  But it is true.  And, even though I'm living in freaking Kansas City, my Cardinals have been dominating my thoughts and a large portion of my internet time.  (And thus, a large portion of my overall time.)

If you've been keeping up with me for a while (or if you know me at all), you know that my heart was broken a little by missing a large portion of last season because of the insane craziness of summer in the Canyon.  

I feel like I'm behind the curve, like I know very little about what happened in the collective life of my team.  But daily reading of the Post-Dispatch Sports Page has me feeling quite a bit better.

The beginning of baseball season means one thing for me: optimism.  I am excited, I am enthusiastic, I believe that we are going to win the World Series.  I'm rooting for my favorite underdog players to make the team and I'm grieving the loss of a couple of my favorites to trades.  But I'm a believer.  

I have discovered that we do get the Fox Sports Midwest feed here, but I do not know if they play the Cardinals games.  I haven't seen Cardinals Live or anything, so I'm a little scared.  But I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  I need my Cardinals games.  And Dan and Al.  I've missed them.

In the meantime, I'll be counting down the days (26) until I don my lucky Yadier Molina jersey and root my Cardinals on to a Opening Day win.  And I'll get excited about paying $8 to go to Royals games.  Definitely still fun.

Thank you Lord for baseball.

It's the Freakin' Weekend

I had quite the Kansas City weekend.

It started with First Fridays on Friday night with Ashley, Ben, Liz, Ryan and Elizabeth.  First Fridays takes place the first Friday (shocker) of every month in downtown KC.  All the art galleries open up at night.  It's crowded and fun and I spend a lot of time pretending I know anything about art.  If you just say the words composition and medium a lot, you can make it through any art event.

After leaving First Fridays, we went back to Ryan's and played Settlers which I (of course) enjoyed.  It was just a fun, relaxed night with old friends.  I can't really explain how nice it is to have people here that I know already.  I would be going crazy otherwise.  Literally.

Saturday we experienced the other side of KC.  That would be the middle of America, cattle town side of KC, which I love just as much as the urban side.

Ashley and I had been excitedly talking about PBR coming to town for the past week.  (And by PBR, I do not mean Pabst Blue Ribbon, I mean Professional Bull Riders.)  

PBR was the ultimate in Middle Americana.  The event started with the cowboys being introduced and running out in the middle of a giant "USA" spelled out in flames.  That was followed by a prayer (in the name of Jesus) that included thanking God that we were all born in the USA because America is the greatest country on Earth.  

Another moment that most people I know would find indignantly offensive, but this crowd loved came when a rider named Ryan Dirteater climbed into the shoot.  The announcers introduced him as the "Native American from Oklahoma" and then proceeded to play Indian Outlaw followed by Cherokee People and encouraged the crowd to do the Tomahawk Chop to get Ryan revved up.  Yeah.

Really though, it was a lot of fun.  They put on quite a show and it is an intense sport.  (We saw a guy get stomped in the head by a bull.)  And, even though I hope it does not show up in my day-to-day life, part of me deep down is country.  It's in the blood.  

We followed PBR with a trip to Denim and Diamonds, a country bar in North KC.  It was quite the place to people watch to say the least.  Line dancing, 2-step and the Cupid Shuffle.  You can't beat it.

All in all, it was a fun weekend and was a good way to get me out of the funk of being unemployed and essentially homebound.  

Good friends, good times. 

Google Was Holding Out on Me!

The GNKCCSS09 continues and there are some exciting developments.

Last we left off, I had decided to give the title to Espresso dell'Anatra.  I was dissatisfied with a couple of things, but it was growing on me.  It was clearly the best out of all the contenders.  It's small, not too hipster and fairly cheap.  It has tall tables and some comfy chairs.  The one lady working during the day seems to know the names of about half the people that come in.  They take the time to make my drink the way I like it.  And there's free WiFi.  Good work, Espresso dell'Anatra.

However, it's kind of far from my house.  It's in like a little strip mall, so even though they try with the furnishings, they can't quite pull off the atmosphere.  Also, not the best coffee in the world, but maybe the best for Missouri.

Honestly, I'm pretty happy with Espresso dell'Anatra, it's just that I wish I had some more choices before I had to make the final decision, but the 3 I tried out are the only ones that showed up on Google maps near my house.

Then today happened.

I am actually sitting in Espresso dell'Anatra with the same dude that has been in here literally every time I've come in working on his laptop.  He's chatting with the other regular customers. He hasn't ever talked to me, but I'm thinking any day now we'll be coffee shop besties.  

Anyway, I'm on the internet trying to make something happen in my life.  Next week I'm going to start applying to coffee shops because it's getting to the point that I need some kind of income and the whole actual job thing isn't really working out.  (Plus, I'm secretly hoping that thing will happen where you get a job and then all of a sudden everyone you sent a resume to wants to hire you.)

So I reworked my resume to play up my awesome barista/retail management experience and then decided to make a list of all the places I was going to apply to.  Latte Land did not make the cut but I figured every Starbucks around here will be seeing me soon after I get rejected here.

But when I typed in "coffee shop near home" this time (which I've typed in many times before), it came up with a whole plethora of new options including 2 caribou coffees and a couple other locally owned coffee shops even closer to my house than this.  I'm so excited!  So I'll be spending next week hitting up a coffee shop a day and working my retail charm.

Also, I have another meeting with a lady in the non-profit world.  So maybe...  Whatever way I go, I'm going to be doing something next week.  I'm determined.  And that's all it takes, determination.  (And a whole lot of networking.  And maybe some marketable skills.  Whatever.)

Employment, here I come!

Just so everyone knows, I chose this song of the day because it is playing right now and my future coffee shop BFF is singing along pretty loudly and in an awesome falsetto (which the song doesn't really require).  I'm really glad I'm here alone because if anyone was here that I could laugh with I would not be able to hold it together.  This just makes me more determined to get this middle-aged man in a muscle shirt to be my friend.  I love people.

Song of the Day:  Benny and the Jets by Elton John

Maybe this is Why I Connect with Twilight

A fact that you may or may not know about me is that, when left to my own devices, I turn nocturnal.

Seriously.  

Even when I was really young, during the summers when I didn't have to get up at any specific time, I would stay up all night until the sun started to come up and then I would finally drift off to sleep.  I would then sleep until like noon and get up for my day.

This continued throughout college.  

The only thing that combats this is that I need 8 hours of sleep every night.  So if I have to get up at 7:00, I can fall asleep by 11:00.  I do get pretty bad insomnia if I am stressed or worried about something, but for the most part I can sleep early if I have to get up.

This is a much healthier way to live.  It is impossible to feel productive when you wake up in the afternoon.  Also, after you eat lunch and shower, you only have a couple hours worth of business hours left.  Not a lot of time to get anything done.

On the other hand, I relish the night time.  It's so quiet.  It's kind of like winter.  You really can't do anything other than quiet, relaxing activities.  My favorite kinds.

But I have plenty of time to do relaxing activities during the day, so I really don't need it right now.

Since moving to KC, I have been desperately trying to combat my nature and get up by 9:00 everyday so that I will go to sleep at a normal hour.

This is my goal.

My body rejects this.

I will lay in bed for hours, staring at the ceiling.  This is the most frustrating thing ever.  Because then I just keep thinking about how if I'm going to lay there for hours, I may as well be doing something.  But what can you really do?

It's like I subconsciously know that I have no life and nothing to do tomorrow so I may as well stay up all night and sleep all day.

Does anyone want to hang out with me at like 9:30 in the morning every morning so that I have to get up?  Don't all volunteer at once.

Also, everyone get very excited for the song of the day today for 2 reasons: 1) This is one of my favorite artists and songs, and 2) I posted this video and then realized I was literally at the concert it was filmed at.  That's right, Elizabeth, me, Marc and Dave Barnes at the Blue Note in 2006.  It was great.

Song of the Day: Gavin's Song by Marc Broussard 

I Need Spring to Stay

I'm eating an orange with the windows open, wearing short sleeves, watching Friends, and blogging.

This is my surefire way to stave off depression.

Seriously, being jobless can bring a girl down.  I'm bored, I'm listless and I've become borderline weirdly obsessed with a show about a high school football team.  This does not equal anything good.  

The 6 inches of snow on the ground and my subsequent massive cold did not help.

But the snow has melted today, there are literally birds chirping and I've spent my day making vague life plans that I may or may not follow through on.  This is my life.

Still, if I don't have a job within the next 3 weeks, I'm going to take some kind of drastic measure.  Like move to Canada.   Or guide mule tours of the Grand Canyon.  

Life plans fulfilled.

Song of the Day: Paper Planes by M.I.A.

Oh, Wow, That Just Happened (The Bachelor, Finale)

Alright.  It's time for the last and final bachelor post of the season.  And it was a doozy last night.  I actually don't even really want to recap it because it was such a mess.  But certain things need to be recorded for posterity and the Bachelor is one of them.

So leading up to this week's finale, the hype was pretty crazy.  ABC kept billing it as the most dramatic finale ever and my friends kept trying to tell me what they had heard happens, which I refused to listen to.  (I don't like to peek at my presents before Christmas.)

So of course, I predicted he ended up with DeAnna, that being the only thing that I could conceive of in my mind that would be dramatic and still believing the Jason was a good guy.

Not the case on either count.

So the finale itself was everything it's supposed to be.  Molly and Melissa both met Ty and the rest of Jason's family.  There was a lot of Jason crying about how he is truly falling for 2 women, but it seemed pretty clear by his words the whole time that he was going to choose Melissa.  

DeAnna came back for .25 seconds and really said nothing.  I began to believe that ABC just faked us out with their tricky advertising.

Just as I predicted, he chose Melissa.  It was actually a fairly cute proposal because she was so excited and genuine in saying yes to him.  He was excited, Ty was excited.  Molly was not excited but she managed to leave with quite a bit of dignity and didn't break down too much in the car, although she did tell him several times that she thought he was making a mistake.

All in all, I was happy with the finale.  Melissa was never my favorite but she seemed sweet and we all know it's not going to last anyway.

Cut to the After the Final Rose Special.  This is when things got crazy.  And by crazy, I mean Jason is a total tool.  

We start with Chris Harrison announcing that this would not be the normal After the Rose Special.  Due to the subject matter at hand, and the potential for drama, they were filming with no audience.  

He brings out Jason and asks how things have been since the show.  Jason explains that in six weeks since the show ended, things have changed.  In the 2 maybe 3 times that he's hung out with Melissa, the chemistry has been off and he has decided that things need to end with her.  OK, I can't be that shocked by that, obviously things are different once the cameras are off.  But maybe you shouldn't have jumped to a proposal if you can't even make it six weeks.

Jason, being the class act he is, has decided to break up with her here at the Special, and, oh yeah, TRY TO GET WITH MOLLY!  That's right.  He spends the next couple of minutes talking about how he can't stop thinking about Molly and how it was so hard to let her go and he thinks he needs to try again with her.

Yeah.

I'll say it for you:  Jason's a jackass.

So that is what he proceeds to do.

Melissa comes out next and she is pissed.  She calls Jason out hardcore on not being willing to fight for or work on their relationship and on proposing to her when he wasn't sure he was in love with her.  She calls him a bastard, which is awesome, and then tells him that she wanted to be engaged only once in her life, that that was supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime thing, and he took that from her.  

He has no answers for any of her questions other than telling her that what he felt for her was genuine, but that he made a mistake.  He then flat out tells her that he still wants Molly and is going to go for it with her.  Melissa continues to be pissed.  And she continues to straight call him out.  Everything she says is spot on and she is wonderfully composed.  I'm on Team Melissa all the way.

The only time she remotely breaks down on stage is when she tells Jason that she wishes more than anything that he had just let her go on that last day rather than doing this to her.  It is extremely poignant and women everywhere were screaming amen to that sentiment.  Man up, Jason!

Melissa leaves with, "Don't call me.  Don't talk to me anymore.  Leave me alone, please." 

Next up is Molly.  I almost feel bad for her because she has not seen the finale or anything that just happened and has no idea what is going on.  She comes out by herself first and Chris asks a whole lot of leading questions about whether or not she still has feeling for Jason.  She says that those feelings don't go away immediately but that she's been dealing with it.  I feel ya, Molly.  The I hate him, but he's still the guy I cared about feeling.  That is the worst.

I begin praying that she will not make the mistake of going back to the guy that broke your heart.  That just never turns out well, but it's so easy to do.  I am on edge at this point in the show.  I am wishing with everything I have that she will just shoot him down.

Jason comes out and there are some awkward moments where he has no idea how to lead into what he wants to say.  Chris finally interjects and gets Jason on the right track.  Jason launches into his speech about how he just wants to take things slow, but he can't stop thinking about her.

Molly responds with hilarious shock and keeps looking back and forth between Jason and Chris Harrison obviously stunned by what is happening.  The only thing she says is, "What about Melissa?" which is awesome.  

After several more vague platitudes by Jason, Molly agrees to go out with him and see how things go and actually seems kind of stoked which makes me sick.  She does say that they have a lot to talk about, but she seems excited.  They kiss and I gag.  

I am willing to give her a wide pass as she really doesn't know what has happened between Jason and Melissa but I am seriously hoping that she has already dumped him as I'm typing this.  Jason is clearly an idiot.  Move on, Molly.  Move on, America.

I hope Jason didn't go out in public today.  The women of America are not going to be friendly to you.  

One more After the Rose Special tonight.  We'll see what else comes out.

I Like Lists

You would think with my wealth of free time I would be blogging like crazy.  However, literally nothing of note has occurred in my life in the last week and a half.  

I refuse to let this break my blogging spirit.  I will blog, no matter how little I have to say for myself.  

I'll start today with a list.

Welcome to Kate's Top 5 Fictional Characters That She Wants to Marry in Real Life:

Disclaimer: My attraction to the men on this list has nothing to do with the actors that play them in real life.  I like to think that I have a fairly good grasp on reality and can distinguish between actors and the roles they play.  These are 5 exceptions to that rule.  If I were to ever engage in conversation with these men, I would be obliged to refer to them by their characters' names, not their own, thus making me one of those crazy ladies.  I would not be able to help this.  Forgive me, Lord.

1) Jim Halpert (The Office)

He gets the number one spot for a reason.  If it is possible to be in love with a fictional character, then that is what I feel for Jim.  He's constantly sarcastic and creatively funny, but does it all within a quiet nature.  That is my favorite combo in a person.  He's loyal and sweet and tall.  And he messes with Dwight constantly.  This is all I need in a man. 

2) Josh Lyman (The West Wing)

Some would pick Sam Seaborn if they were going to choose from amongst the West Wing contenders.  I do not.  Josh is super smart but self-deprecating.  He is dependable and unfailingly loyal.  He's got enough quirks and insecurities to keep life interesting.  Also, he works in the White House and gets to give inspiring speeches sometimes.  Enough said.  

3) Matt Saracen (Friday Night Lights)

I feel a little weird putting him on the list because the character is supposed to be 17.  But, the actor's like 28, and this is my make-believe world, so I think it's fine.  Again, many people would go with Tim Riggins when sizing up the cast of FNL.  But I actually do not have an asshat complex.  I like the good guys.  Saracen is endearingly funny, sweet and unsure, but always proves he has a backbone and will step up when needed.  He has the good guy who never gets a break thing going for him.  And, oh yeah, he single-handedly cares for his dementia-riddled grandmother, pays the bills, and is QB1 of the Dillon Panthers.  My inner high school girl squeals a little every time he's on screen.

4) Jake Jigelski (One Tree Hill)

OK, now I feel officially creepy because this character is also in high school.  But again, his story line on this show involves being a single teenage father raising his daughter alone and trying to keep her away from the crazy baby-stealing baby mama.  So, not really typical teenage drama.  Much like Saracen, he is the good guy always trying to do the right thing and barely making it.  I specifically remember one episode where Jake unexpectedly comes back after a long absence and my roommates and I literally screamed out loud with excitement.  I am fully aware of the extreme dorkiness of this, but it was unavoidable.  He's that awesome of a character. And this one might actually have to do with Brian Greenberg (the actor who plays him) a little because when I see him in other things, I love him just as much.

5) Aidan Shaw (Sex and the City)

I don't even need to say anything.  Beats Mr. Big every time.

I feel like this list is super dorky, but I just spent a long time writing it so I'm going to post it anyway.  Judge away.