And So It Ends... (The Bachelorette Finale)p

Dear Ali,

Welp. It's over. And you picked Roberto. I hope you can find a personality in there somewhere because otherwise you're life's going to be kind of boring. (By kind of boring, I mean you'll probably be wishing you had some paint you could watch dry just to get away from him.)

I understand why you picked him. He's pretty. And on the surface he seems perfect: sweet, loving, protective, gentle. But, I'm sorry, you are going to hate him. Because he's going to continue to pretend to be perfect and you're not. You're flawed. And he's going to inadvertently make you feel bad about being flawed. You won't like it.

I don't know why everyone doesn't ask for my opinion before entering into relationships. I clearly have it all figured out. You're welcome for the advice.

Enjoy being unemployed in San Diego,

Kate

Dear Roberto,

Look, I don't hate you. You seem fine. And you seem genuine. Like you genuinely don't have any personality. And that's fine. But it's not what I want to wake up to every morning, you know what I'm saying?

I think you're underestimating how dramatic Ali is. But good luck.

I give it 6 months.

I hope the insurance business is treating you well,

Kate

Dear Chris,

Um, please be the next Bachelor. I just read an interview where you said you weren't sure you wanted to be the Bachelor because you didn't like having your personal life exposed. This makes me want you to be the Bachelor even more. You would be the least crazy Bachelor ever. (But don't worry, I'm sure the producers would make up for it with the craziest ladies ever.)

Seriously, when you dropped the f-bomb in the finale, my heart was officially yours. I've never been to Cape Cod, but I think I would enjoy it. Let's find out, huh?

Talk to you soon,

Kate

Dear Frank,

Way to punk out and skip the After the Final Rose Special.

To busy working on your screenplay?

You're lame,

Kate

Dear Producers,

All I can say is: Thank you! What a great season.

Next time, try not to pick such an annoying Bachelorette. Also, pick more than 2 people that she might be compatible with. I know you want to pick the dramatic kids, but it's not very good if it's completely obvious who she's going to pick from the first couple of shows. (Seriously, episode 1 we knew who the top 3 would be.)

Still, excellent effort. You are in top form.

So stoked for the pad.

Respectfully,

Kate