Love, Hate, Love

I love the unpredictability of life. I enjoy the fact that I could wake up tomorrow and everything could be different, that I could be different. It's exciting and it keeps me on my toes.

But sometimes, I hate it.

Sometimes, it makes me bang my fist on my steering wheel really hard and yell, "I don't understand this." And then giggle at myself because I think about how hard I would laugh if I saw someone do that when I was next to them at a stoplight or something.

But then I think about how I don't understand things again.

I don't understand how I could be so certain I'm supposed to go to Arizona when so much of me wants to just stay here.

I don't understand why I was here for 6 months and ready to leave at any time and then a couple weeks into being excited about staying here, it's time to go.

I don't understand how I could be so excited to go when I'm so bummed to leave.

I don't understand why, when I want to talk things out nobody is around and when I want to be left alone, people are in my face.

I don't understand why I love to adventure, why I have a craving to see it all, when a familiar landscape brings me such comfort and peace.

I don't understand how to make it all work.

I don't understand this. (Bang of the fist.)

But then I come home and put my iTunes on shuffle and Tracy Chapman's Fast Car comes on and I remember that I love my life. I love to roam, I love finding more people to love and figuring out how to do that well, and I love, love, love the unpredictability.

Here we go.