(Obsessive) Compulsive

I was laying in bed last night and actually ended up in a slight panic about my mental health.  Calmer heads have prevailed this morning, but it wasn't pretty there for a while.

This all started with something that I'm embarrassed to admit publicly, but I'm going to anyway.  And since only my brother and Liz read my blog, I'm not that worried.  So here it is... I'm hooked on the Twilight books.  I'm ashamed.  I had to go to the teen section at Barnes and Noble to buy them.  I fully blame the hype for the movie on all of this.  

Here's the story:

I was in the B&N a couple blocks from my apartment the other day looking for a book.  I had just finished a collection of short stories called Olive Kitteridge that was only so-so.  So it was time for a good, easy to read, modern work of fiction.  (Side note:  I actually have a pretty consistent cycle of book reading:  Classic, non-fiction, short stories, modern novel.  I don't really plan it but that's how it tends to work out.)

I had come in thinking I was going to get a book called A Year of Fog which I had almost bought when I picked up Olive Kitteridge instead.  I knew where it was at, towards the back of the store.  As I was headed back, I passed the display of Twilight books.  This is a smaller Barnes and Noble so they didn't have the entire series displayed there.  In my initial defense, I didn't even realize at this point that this was a book that would normally require placement in the teen section.  All I knew was that it was really popular and had just come out as a movie.  

Long story short, I passed on Year of Fog and walked with already a little bit of shame to purchase Twilight.  I go in this B&N frequently and I didn't want them getting the wrong idea about my reading habits, especially when I already have the classic I want to read next (Emma) so they won't see me buying that.  But I swallowed my pride and bought the book, knowing it would be an easy read.

I finished it 5 hours later.  (At 2:30 in the morning.  On a Monday morning.)

I packed the baby up as soon as I could the next morning and went to the bigger B&N in Union Square so I could get the second book of the series in paperback.

I finished that one the next day.

The next 2 books are hardback which I refuse to buy.  But I want to.  Badly.

Here's the problem:  The books aren't even that good.  I mean, they're angsty, teenage, vampire romances.  I should not want to read them.  I'm actually ashamed that I am reading them. Really, look at the cover:

It has many, many fansites with people who border on clinically insane discussing every minute detail of the book.

I am 23 years old, I should not want any part of this.

But I opened the flood gates.  I read the first book.  Now I have to finish the series.  

This brings us to my slight panic attack last night.  I was laying there in bed thinking about how badly I wanted to read the third book.  I kept reminding myself of my firm paperback-only rule due to my serious lack of funds.  (I can't cut out buying books altogether, so I think the no hardbacks rule is a good compromise.)  The thing is I was seriously considering getting out of bed, changing back out of my pajamas and going to B&N to buy the third book.  I almost had myself convinced this was a good idea.

Then I remembered something I learned in Psych 1000 freshman year of college.  We were studying OCD and talking about the fact that everyone has compulsions.  What makes compulsions bad is when they become obsessive, when they actually interfere with your day-to-day life, relationships, etc.  I was then flooded with memories of the many times that I have silenced my phone when I was in the middle of a book, even if I had plans with someone.  Also, the times that I forgot to eat dinner or stayed up all night even when I had to work the next day.  At various points, I have stayed home from school/pretended I was sick in order to finish books.  I would say it definitely falls into the "disrupting normal life" category. 

I sometimes literally can't put a book down.  And my true downfall is the series.  If I start one of the Harry Potters, I have to read through to the end of the series.  This could mean a week of refusing to see my friends, depending on what book I started with.  And I've read those several times.  It is not good.  And it's the same with movies.  I don't fall asleep during movies, I don't leave in the middle of them, I make people pause them if I have to take a phone call or something.  I have to know the end of the story.

After a lot of soul searching, I have some to a couple of conclusions:  1) I am willing to openly admit that I do have a compulsion and 2) I have always easily justified it because books make you smart.  And while I'm probably not going to stop compulsively reading any time soon, I am now resolved to start answering the phone even when in the middle of a book.  Or at least calling people back when I get to the end of the chapter and joining them in real life.  Because books aren't friends and I don't want to end up not being able to leave my house without pulling in and out of the garage 72 times.  It's a slippery slope people.

Life is weird.  Love you all.

I'm Unpacking my Sweaters!

If you're one of those people who gets really snotty about the fact that we have started celebrating the Christmas season before Thanksgiving, stop reading now.  You're not going to like what I have to say.

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!!

I love everything about it.  I have purchased my first new Christmas CD of the year (This Warm December featuring Jack Johnson, G. Love and many others of the same... Love it!), I have been anxiously watching the progress of the decorating of the Rockefeller Center tree on the news (it got its 10 foot, crystal encrusted star today), I've been taking walks down fifth ave. to see the Christmas displays popping up in the store windows, I've been over-emailing my parents asking them when family christmas is and what exactly our plans are, I have a wicked cold, I rejoiced over the first flurries today (which I didn't even see but Lacey texted me about), and I've been coming up with AWESOME ideas for presents for everybody (which I probably won't be able to afford, sorry).

I have to say, this city gets into the Christmas spirit.  I love it!  There are constant Christmas carols and Christmas decorations and Macy's.  I'm not going to lie, I really want to see the Rockettes.  There's even a Broadway show called Irving Berlin's White Christmas (or Winter Wonderland, idk).  FYI, the Rockefeller tree this year was cut down from the yard of a woman who planted it 60-something years ago after it was the Christmas tree in her home for her, her husband and her children.  She told her whole family that one day it would be the tree in Rockefeller Center.  She passed away but her sons were there to see the tree be cut down and shipped off to Rockefeller.  I love it.  This is an idea of what we're dealing with:

(This isn't this years, but you get the idea.)

I have also been wanting to bake everything I possibly can, but I don't really have people to bake for, so I may be sending some of you cookies.  But don't count on anything because I've had a credit card bill that has needed to go in the mail for like a week now, but I have to walk 2 blocks to the post office and actually put it in the mail box.  Now, I have no problem walking 6 blocks for the good ice cream, but for some reason I'm indignant about the mail thing.  And who doesn't let you pay bills online now?  The answer is River Region Credit Union.

Anyway, I hope if you're reading this I will get to see you over Christmas.  I will be in MO for a few weeks at least which will be amazing after so long away.  I will also be back out on the west coast at some point but I don't know when.  So that covers most, but nowhere near all of the people I love.  Pencil me in!

Also, my mom sent me Toms in the mail today.  Isn't she hip?  You're the best, Mom!  I love you!

Peace and love and happy holidays to you all!

Things I Would Kill For...

1) Good internet... Between everyone skyping all day and watching entire movies hence slowing down the internet connection to complete uselessness at Wildhorse and my neighbor's crappy stolen signal here in NYC, I have endured a year and a half of completely horrible internet.  I just want to be able to watch TMZ videos and read the new PostSecrets in a timely manner.  (Don't judge.)

2) Panera.  There is no Panera in NYC but there is a restaurant where you can play Bingo while being served your dinner by transvestites.  Come on.

3) Good avocados.  This is my one west coast hold-over.  I miss them in my tummy.

4) All American companies to observe the same holiday time off as state universities.  You would obviously get paid over-time if you chose to work the summer term, but no pressure.

5) Unlimited access to any and all downloads on iTunes for a price of say $10/month.  This would save me a pretty significant amount of money.

This is all I ask for people.  Really, is it too much?  

Pictures!

Some pictures from the week of friends in NYC...

Being blown away on top of the Empire State Building

Brooklyn Bridge

Delicious desserts at Serendipity 3

The Wonder Wheel at Coney Island

Sara and Mandi on an empty subway car

All the girls in Central Park

The guy from 30 Rock filming a commercial outside NBC Studios

(Celebrities everywhere!)

On Broadway

OK, so it has been a little while since I've blogged.  It has been an eventful couple of weeks.  To start off, my friends were (and are) here!  My forced solo exploration of the city has ended which I appreciate.  It's nice to have people here that know me.

So over the 10 days that Kelley and Richard were back in Missouri, the following people all spent a little time with me in NYC: Lacey, Nick, Dusty, Sara, Drew, Mike, Mandi, Roy, David, Kelly, and Gentges.  Sara and Dusty were here that whole time which was awesome because they're basically my favorite married couple in the world.  Everyone else was here for anywhere from 2 days to 7 days, so I had a lot of people around me.  And Lacey and Nick live here now!  So exciting!  (This means that I force Lacey to hang out with me literally all the time.)

We did essentially every touristy thing you can do, including but not limited to the Brooklyn Bridge, Rockefeller Center, Times Square, Central Park, the UN, the Empire State building, the Financial District, Little Italy, Chinatown, Coney Island, and the Museum of Natural History.  We also ate at a different restaurant every day, ordered in a lot and walked more than I ever have in my life.  

The highlight of the week was definitely the 4 (yes, 4) broadway shows we saw.  They included Legally Blonde (surprisingly awesome), 13 the musical (the entire cast is under 15), the Lion King (too incredible for words), and Hairspray.  I am loving the Great White Way and since everyone left, Lacey and I went to see Spring Awakening as well.  It was my favorite so far although definitely darker.  All of this broadway has merely confirmed my theory that life would be at least 20 times more awesome if we lived in a musical.

Since everyone left, I've been easing back into the routine with baby Isabelle and still trying to pack in everything.  I had a slight panic attack when I realized I had been here for a month already and still feel like I haven't even made a dent in my list of things I must do before I leave.  But I still have time.

My favorite things so far:

1) Public transportation... I never want to drive again.

2) Sushi, sushi, sushi everywhere

3) The museums (so many more to see)

4) The Halloween craziness capped off by the parade down the street from the apartment... I don't even have words.

Love you all!