Arrogance

One of the most dramatic reactions I've ever had to something came when I was the tender young age of 17.

A dear friend of mine (who was legitimately older and wiser than me) had the audacity to tell me I was arrogant, and that it was a problem.

Oh, man. I was affronted. I couldn't believe it. Me? Arrogant??? No way. No way, no way, no way. I couldn't believe he would say it.

It didn't take me long to realize he was totally right.

Whether it's a defense mechanism, an inborn personality trait, or straight delusion, I often think that I am pretty awesome. And that I can do anything and my sheer audacity will make it all turn out alright.

For the most part, this has actually been a good thing. It makes me bolder than I would be. It makes me take risks that I wouldn't. It keeps me from wallowing in self-doubt and insecurities (although of course I have both of those from time to time).

But there is one area that I've recently come to realize my arrogance is killing me.

If you've been reading for awhile, you know that I've moved a lot. And I love it. I love meeting new people, I love being a part of a new community.

But the more I move, the more I leave, the harder it's been getting. Because for some reason I thought that I would get to just keep every great relationship I've ever had and just add some more everytime I go somewhere new.

This is a lot easier than it sounds.

I've been blessed. I've worked hard to create the relationships I have. I've loved people through hard stuff, and asked them to love me through my hard stuff. And they did it. And they became family.

And then I left.

And those relationships can't be the same when our day-to-day is so far away.

I know that I have friends that are life-long. These are people that would welcome me if I showed up on their doorstep, and it would feel like we hadn't lost a day.

But we will have. And I miss them. And it's hard to keep going, going, going.

And it's arrogant to think that they're just going to continue to love me when I'm not working to be in their lives.

So, if you're one of those people, I'm sorry. I want to be better. Love me anyway, please. Because I really love you.

And come visit.

Song of the Day: Nightminds by Missy Higgins (How I want to love...)