I woke up at 4:30 this morning. If you know me, you know that this is not a normal time for me to be awake. Unless I'm still up from the night before, listening to sappy music and writing in my journal.
But I have a job now, people. Sometimes it requires me to get up early. I open on Saturdays and Sundays which normally means 8:00 AM. Even that's kind of pushing it, but since I don't have to come in until 11:00 the rest of the days I work, I accept it.
Today, however, there was some kind of marathon/fun run/5K (I have no idea) going on that started at 7:00, so we decided it would be a good idea to open at 6:00. This means I need to be here at 5:40. Oh, and I had to stop and get pastries this morning. And I live 20 minutes from where I work. Hence, 4:30.
I staggered into the bakery to get pastries and I was strolling back out bleary-eyed still when I realized that it was actually kind of beautiful out. And I had the most nostalgic remembrance of the canyon. It was something about an early morning in the summer, starting to warm up but with a cool lingering from the night before, quiet, barely light out. It made me remember every espresso morning and late night opening when I was the only one out on property.
Those were my favorite times, the rare moments when it all slowed down and it was just me in that vast place. It was also the only time in my life where I was completely happy being awake at 5:30 AM. I would be on 4 hours sleep, exhausted physically and emotionally, and I would still be looking forward to the day, thinking of the kids I would meet and serve, the time with my Sassy girls, waving at Sara across the lobby, watching kids be kids in the pool and the lake and the fields.
I long to feel that fulfilled in what I'm doing always. But what does that mean? Can I bring that sense of purpose to this place? Or do I need to be on the lookout for the perfect job, that one thing that can spark something in me? I don't know.
Still, I hold onto that sweet memory and am pretty certain that an early morning at the beginning of a hot day will always take me back to that place that I love so dearly.
Song of the Day: I Am Yours by Tracy Chapman
But I have a job now, people. Sometimes it requires me to get up early. I open on Saturdays and Sundays which normally means 8:00 AM. Even that's kind of pushing it, but since I don't have to come in until 11:00 the rest of the days I work, I accept it.
Today, however, there was some kind of marathon/fun run/5K (I have no idea) going on that started at 7:00, so we decided it would be a good idea to open at 6:00. This means I need to be here at 5:40. Oh, and I had to stop and get pastries this morning. And I live 20 minutes from where I work. Hence, 4:30.
I staggered into the bakery to get pastries and I was strolling back out bleary-eyed still when I realized that it was actually kind of beautiful out. And I had the most nostalgic remembrance of the canyon. It was something about an early morning in the summer, starting to warm up but with a cool lingering from the night before, quiet, barely light out. It made me remember every espresso morning and late night opening when I was the only one out on property.
Those were my favorite times, the rare moments when it all slowed down and it was just me in that vast place. It was also the only time in my life where I was completely happy being awake at 5:30 AM. I would be on 4 hours sleep, exhausted physically and emotionally, and I would still be looking forward to the day, thinking of the kids I would meet and serve, the time with my Sassy girls, waving at Sara across the lobby, watching kids be kids in the pool and the lake and the fields.
I long to feel that fulfilled in what I'm doing always. But what does that mean? Can I bring that sense of purpose to this place? Or do I need to be on the lookout for the perfect job, that one thing that can spark something in me? I don't know.
Still, I hold onto that sweet memory and am pretty certain that an early morning at the beginning of a hot day will always take me back to that place that I love so dearly.
Song of the Day: I Am Yours by Tracy Chapman
1 comment:
*Waves*
I miss you... and those amazing days too...
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