Oh, Jillian, It's Not Good

Dear Jillian,

I'm sorry I haven't written you in a while.  Clearly, you needed my advice.  

Don't worry, we can fix this.  What you need to do is ask the producers for a tape of the whole interaction between you, Wes and Jake.  You'll then see what all of us see without being blinded by Wes' smarminess.  Before you watch it, let me remind you that stuttering, clearing his throat, being unable to look you in the eye, and constantly stating he's a bad liar normally means that the person is, in fact, a very good liar, something that they are proving at that exact moment.

Women everywhere (especially the 4 in my living room) let out a collective boo when you decided to keep Wes this week.  You have lost a little bit of all our respect.

It's not all bad though.  You gained a little of that respect back by keeping Ed!  (Ed!'s name will from this point on have an exclamation point behind it on this blog because that's how his name should be said.)  He is clearly wonderful and only made more wonderful by the fact that he had the integrity to honor his commitment to his work, but then discovered that he can't live without you.  And he's dreamy.  So he's got that going for him too.

Kiptyn's family was snooty patooty.  For real with the French?  Just because he makes you look at him with lust-filled eyes every time he's around doesn't mean you should keep giving him roses.  Here's a secret: he'll probably still be willing to hook up even if you don't pick him.

Last but not least, don't ever hurt Michael again.  It's OK that you sent him home this once, but America will not stand seeing him upset ever again.

Can't wait for next week when it starts to get really smutty!

Keep it classy,

Kate

Dear Wes,

I loathe you.

Abhorringly,

Kate

Dear Jake,

Please take solace in the fact that America loves you.  You are fantastic and Jillian is crazy to not trust someone who looks so dashing in a pilot uniform.

We'll see you next season on The Bachelor: Love Has Wings.

Looking forward to it,

Kate

Dear Ried,

You're too sweet to be on The Bachelorette.  I think you're great but as you can see by her continual acceptance of Wes, Jillian likes dirtbags.  You're probably not going to make it past this next rose ceremony,

Don't worry though.  You get a trip to Spain and my roommate Ashley is waiting in the wings for you.  Things are looking up!

See you later,

Kate

Dear Ed!,

Seriously, I'm waiting for your call.

Love,

Kate