Here You Go, Paige

Why is that I feel more productive when I spend 3 hours on my computer at a coffee shop than I do when I spend 3 hours on my computer at home?  

I think it's because I at least interact with the world while I'm in a coffee shop.  I see people and I talk to them and I laugh internally when they almost fall out of their chairs while stretching.  (Just happened to the guy across from me.  It was HI-larious.  He was embarrassed.)

There's something comforting about being in the presence of other people, even though literally everyone else here is on their computers or reading a book.  Even though everyone's engaged in solitary pursuits, we're doing it together.  It reminds me of being in the living room of Condo 55 and literally all 5 of us would be on our computers not talking, but at least we were together.  It's nice.

On another note, I am perilously close to being actually penniless.  It's kind of scary.  It made me cry yesterday but then I got over it.  I had to call in the dad and that severely dented my pride.  But now he's going to help me do a little refinancing (I don't know what that is) and it's going to be better.  Maybe I should let people help me more often...  Ha!  Who am I kidding?  I can do everything on my own.  (I was born in the feminist 80s, people.  Don't tell me I can't do something.)

Wow, my ego surprises even me sometimes.  

All this to say, if anyone knows someone who needs a day laborer or anything in KC, let me know.  As long as it's legal, I'll do it.

Oh, and if you have a USBank account, you should close it now.  They suck.  A lot.  

Song of the Day:  Nine in the Afternoon by Panic at the Disco

Not Another Twilight Post

This going to be one of those posts that I fully expect people to make fun of me for.  I'll actually judge you a little if you don't make fun of me.  It's going to be that lame.

But I'm going to write it anyway.

A couple days ago, I was hanging out with Liz and she was, of course, making fun of me about being a fan of Twilight.  As I've stated before, I feel like I deserve to be made fun of for being a fan of Twilight, so I'm completely unoffended by the fact that she takes so much joy in teasing me for this fact.  I fully comprehend how lame it is that I was thinking about Twilight enough to have a blog post about it. 

But Liz was asking me why I like the books so much and I was again trying to explain it to her and came up with nothing.  I really have no idea why the books are so addicting, they just are.

However, I was thinking about it later and realized that Twilight actually does contain a world view that I think is kind of rare that really speaks to my heart.  Let me share.

For those of you who are blissfully unaware, the main characters of the book are Edward and Bella.  Edward has become like a modern-day Romeo to teenage girls for some reason and he really is oddly compelling.  Edward (and the other 6 members of his family) don't live as normal vampires.  They have made a decision to resist their overwhelming desire to feast on human blood and instead survive on the blood of animals even though this proves extremely difficult for them.

I always assumed the fascination with Edward came from his white-knight complex, the fact that he is always saving Bella from various peril.  I, being me, find this a little disgusting.  I don't really buy into the idea that I want someone to swoop in and take over my life and  make everything better.  In fact, that sounds horrible.

And yet, I find Edward fascinating.  And here's the reason why:  I think he's a great example of what a load of crap it is to believe that there is some kind of evil nature that controls us.  

This is my fundamental pet peeve with the world.

You read the book and you get frustrated with Edward because he believes he is this irredeemable monster even though everything he is says different.  Every choice he makes says different.  I understand that he is good, not just because he does good things but because he desires good.  I understand that what he desires makes him who he is.  And he desires to be good more than anything else.  Why is it impossible to believe this about ourselves?

I'm not naive.  I look at the world and see war, hate, bigotry, discord, anger, evil.  I understand those things.  But I do not believe that they are at our core.

Everything I have experienced of the world tells me that people are at the core good, that we are made in the likeness of something beautiful and creative and loving.  

We deal with evil.  We have urges to lie, to steal, to hurt.  And sometimes we do these things.  But sometimes we choose to give, to understand, to love.

Why is that we believe that the evil is our natural desire and that we're going against our nature to do good?  I think it's the other way around.  I think the good is our natural desire and that's why evil leads to such emptiness.  I think that our conscious is not some other-world voice of judgment, but a measure of our true nature.  We desire good more than evil.  We are good more than evil.  

Just like Edward.

I don't write this as a charge to do more good things, I write this in hope that more people will believe that they are simply good.  Not just good, but very good.  I think that can change our lives.  

OK, proceed to make fun of me for using Twilight analogies for real life.        

Yummy

So one thing I've discovered since becoming extremely broke is that you can make legit meals at home.

For example, Ashley and I created a Chipotle in our house tonight.

I know many of you will consider this blasphemy, but I made a burrito that was as good as a Chipotle burrito.  It happened.

Here's a picture:

Yeah, you can be jealous... It was delicious.

Here's Ashley digging in:

Moral of the story: frugality can be delicious.