It was actually because of a guy on the show named Ryan.
In case you don't watch the Real World (I respect you), Ryan is a 23ish Southern Army guy who has served in Iraq. That's his hook on the show and when he talks about it they put up the little think MTV plug and play commercials about Rock the Vote.
Normally the Real World is something I have on in the background and perk up whenever there's fights, but tonight had me hooked. Tonight's episode was all about Ryan and his time in the military. They showed him going to a bunch of different veteran's stuff and talking a lot about what it was like to serve in the war, etc.
And then they showed him get the call that he was going back to Iraq.
And I lost it.
I feel like war is so unreal. It's something that is literally impossible to fathom if you haven't lived it. I can listen to people talk about it, I can read about it, I can watch movies. But I don't comprehend the horror of it.
My senior project in college was a community education seminar focusing on helping families with deployed loved one. Even with all the research and talking to families and veterans and everyone I could, I still can't fathom it.
The part that got me was when Ryan started telling his roommate about it right after he got the call. He was immediately resigned, immediately said I'll go. But then he started talking about how mad his girlfriend was going to be, and then he started crying when he said he just didn't want to put his parents through it again.
On an educational level, I know what deployment does to families. I can tell you all the strategies to get through it, to try to stay close, to deal with it. But I can't understand what it feels like to have your child, your spouse, you parent in constant danger. I can't understand that fear. And I can't understand how these kids, younger than me, fight our wars.
So my heart is heavy because we live in a world that breeds war and hate.
And yet somehow I'm optimistic because I see people heal and love and live and strive for more.
And I have to believe that the people in charge are seeking the good of mankind. What else can we do?
Sorry that was a downer. I'll try to be witty tomorrow.
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