Cuteness and F Words... Story of My Life

So, I'm 3 episodes behind on the Bachelor. I know, I know. So sad.

But that does mean that I'm going to get to have a Bachelor marathon. And then create a marathon post. I'm pumped. And you should be too.

I went to Tucson this weekend and it was awesome. Mainly because it was 78 degrees. And I got to hang out with my bestie Kristen.

Also, my friend Dusty sent me this picture of his really cute baby with the following caption:

He likes to sleep all day, just like Auntie Kate. If only she would come to nap with him. :(

Yeah, way to make me both squeal out loud with the sheer cuteness and guilt trip me about not getting to meet him yet. So I will be spending a portion of my day finding cheap flights to Walla Walla, WA. Because I must. Hold. That. BABY!

Seriously, I need to hold him. And baby talk to him. It has to happen.

Also, I really like having friends that put their babies in weird poses and then send me pictures. What's the point of having a baby if you don't do stuff like that?

Alright, this post was kind of about nothing. Enjoy it anyway.

Cheers!

Song of the Day: Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons (Disclaimer: There are f words in this song. Deal with it.)

At Least It's Only Temporary...

So, I live in Williams, AZ. (Please don't stalk me.)

Ever heard of Williams? Does it ring a bell? Maybe your grandparents came here in their RV?

No?

Well, it exists. And it's awesome. And 80% of the time it's a hilarious little tourist town. People come from Europe, Asia, and retirement communities to visit junky Route 66 trinket shops, go to the Grand Canyon, drive the wrong way down one-way streets, ride the Grand Canyon Railroad (which turns into the Polar Express around Christmas), and generally keep this place interesting.

But then there's mid-January through April. When nobody is taking any kind of vacation to Williams, AZ. Our 9 feet of snow just is not that appealing to people for some reason.

And, while it's nice to not get backed up at our stop sign and not have to dodge people taking pictures in the middle of the street, it also means that half the town shuts down. Our Dairy Queen's been closed for months. No more mini-blizzards at the end of a long day for the HK staff.

Worst of the worst is American Flyer, our awesome coffee shop and altogether saving grace of living in a small town, is closed until April!

It sucks.

Bad.

Today is Saturday. I had a limited list of things I need to do today: prepare some stuff for a meeting with my YL team tomorrow, blog, read, and hang out with people. I don't have internet in my house, so obviously, what I would normally do is go to Am Fly and send a mass text trying to entice others to join me.

Not that I would even need to send the text because every time I go there I run into at least 4 people I know, not including the people who work there. It's beautiful. And I can spend hours there, drinking coffee, computering, reading, and catching up on life with my townies. (Embrace it, friends. We're townies.)

That is basically my heaven.

But it's not going to happen for the next couple of months. Instead, I have to go to Starbucks inside Safeway and then to work to use the internet.

Oh, gosh. I'm sad just typing it.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? I'll be standing outside on the day it opens back up, jumping up and down with excitement.

Song of the Day: Barton Hollow by the Civil Wars (Seriously can't get enough of this duo. Poison and Wine was my song of the day a few weeks back and you must listen to it if you didn't then. It is so good.)

Love. My Life.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop, drinking a soy latte, blogging and staring out the window at the ridiculously beautiful, snow-covered Humphries Mountain on Day 3 of my weekend.

It is moments like this that I love my life.

You know when I don't love my life?

When I'm awake at 4:00 in the morning because my mind won't stop racing with everything I have to do and everything I wish I had.

But then I put in my earbuds and listen to the Avett Brothers and my life feels better again.

I get up and I stare out my window. I look at the pine trees, and the pristine snow on the ground. And I listen to my music. And I write in my journal. And all of a sudden stress and worry is peace and thankfulness.

Peace because my world is at peace. And thankfulness because there is so much to be thankful for.

My racing mind stops worrying that I don't have enough. Enough money, enough courage, enough. I realize that the only currency I care about is wrapped up in the people that I love, the people that love me.

In this I am rich.

I stop mentally checking my calendar. My color-coded outlook calendar, filled with more and more and more. I'm worried because there's so much to do and it's so much harder to do it all when I'm tired and weary.

But then the silence and the music and the beauty plant energy deep within me. And I keep staring. I put away the futile struggle that is a constant in my life, the over-reaching to be better. Better than you, better than I was, better.

All I really want is more of this, more currency of love, more peace and contentment.

For this I will fight.

And then I sleep. Deeply. And contentedly.

And I wake up this morning and laugh at my 4:00 AM self. My broody, funny, sleepless self.

And then I write a blog post I'll probably be faintly embarrassed about tomorrow.

And I stare out the window at my beautiful mountain and drink my latte and continue listening to the Avett Brothers.

And love my life.

Love. My life.

Song of the Day: I And Love And You by the Avett Brothers

Bonus Post

Because the Bachelor post doesn't get a song of the day, but I have one, I'm making a separate post.

Song of the Day: Pretty Things by Tony Lucca, Jay Nash, and Matt Duke

You're All Psychos (Bachelor, Season 15, Ep. 2)

In an ultimate moment of girliness, I actually chose to watch the Bachelor instead of the BCS National Championship. I love college football. Maybe more than the Bachelor. But I have a dislike that I can't really explain for the Ducks (I think it has to do with the neon yellow) and I could care less about Auburn, nor do I like either of their styles of play. So, I chose to watch girl fights instead.

We realized that Melissa was going to bring the crazy this week right away when we heard her say, "No, you're a psycho," in the previews. Also, before the first date card even came she was going on and on about how she's been waiting 8 years to be on the Bachelor and she quit her job (waitressing) and spent a ton of money on clothes to be there. She needs this. I love that they let these women be on the show.

Much to her chagrin, Melissa's name was not on the first date card. That honor went to Ashley, the perky dentist. She dressed up in a giant skirt of tulle that looked much like the tutu I made for my niece for Christmas and Brad picked her up in "his" jaguar.

They then creepily drove down a secluded dirt road where Brad made Ashley traipse through the woods in her heels to a light switch that they flipped on to reveal... a GIANT super-creepy clown head! Right there! Manically smiling and sitting right in front of them. How she didn't scream and run for her life, I'll never know.

Once I moved past the clown head (which I'm not sure I can ever fully do), I realized that it was actually a road-side carnival set up just for them. Which is still creepy. They road all the rides and then went ahead and went for the make-out session. Then they proceeded to sit down in the pre-set up carnival seating area and have a super serious conversation about their absent fathers and how that tragically scarred them. Great conversation, really weird setting for it. I think I could still see the clown head.

They made out again on the ferris wheel and that was that. (She's gonna make it pretty far based on that date alone.)

Next up came the group date card with 15 names on it. Yeah, 15. Nobody seemed too stoked about that. Least of all Michelle. Because she's kind of crazy and it's her 30th birthday. She made some threatening statements before the date even started and it only got better from there.

They loaded into the limos and went to meet Brad at... some giant warehouse. But it's not weird. Because they're there to do good! They're philanthropists! They find out they're going to be shooting some over-the-top scenes to be used as promos for the American Red Cross Give Blood Campaign. Awesome.

The ladies get their parts and we find out that Keltie has to dress up as a butch woman who bull-rides, Melissa is going to dress up as a cougar (in leopard print and big hair), vampire girl is in a dominatrix outfit, and Britt is going to be in a 3-way. Quote of the night goes to Britt who states, when talking about how uncomfortable she is in the 3-way scene, that she's a "big ole prude." And then giggles nervously. HI-larious.

Michelle's pissed the whole day as she watches other people be in steamy scenes with Brad on her 30th birthday. Not her 29th, not her 31st, her 30th birthday. She storms off pretending to be mad and it totally works. Brad consoles her and they move onto the post-shoot drunk-fest on the roof of the Roosevelt.

Melissa has the most awkward one-on-one time ever and tells everyone it went well. She and Raichel get into a fight about nothing. Melissa's trying to make a point about being more mature than Raichel and first says she's 31 and then says she's 32, which obviously means she's 36. And clearly way less mature than 21-year-old Raichel which is really saying something.

Michelle tells Brad he has walls up and she wants to peel away the layers. I make pukey noises but he totally goes for it and gives her the date rose. Blech.

Jackie the artist gets the next one-on-one date and Brad describes it as "the ultimate Pretty Woman experience." As in the movie with Julia Roberts. It starts with some massaging (of course) and then Jackie goes into a room with about 30 dresses with shoes and such to choose from. She manages to pick the ugliest dress there and they head out to the Hollywood Bowl for their date.

In the middle of the Jackie date, they flash back to Emily calling her daughter back home. She again proves how much she shouldn't be on this show by being so sweet in missing her daughter and having reservations about being there.

Cut back to Jackie and Brad who are having dinner basically on stage at the Hollywood Bowl. Brad flips out when Jackie says she's really only been in 2 relationships ever and starts over-zealously questioning her about whether she's open to love. It's awkward.

But not as awkward as the completely predictable solo performance by a surprise B-list band! That's right, it's Train! And they're performing just for Jackie and Brad who are required to dance around like idiots and pretend they're really into Train while cameras are in their faces. Oh, and Train is singing a song called Marry Me. No pressure.

We move onto the cocktail party and start things right with Brad and Emily having some one-on-one time and Brad endearingly stuttering throughout the whole thing. There's a rather jarring transition from that to Melissa and Raichel having a full-on cat fight, calling each other psychos and everything.

Melissa decided to go straight to Brad, crying, and tell him that Raichel is targeting her. Melissa. Come on. If you've watched the show for 8 years, you know that fighting with the other girls, crying, and naming names never works. Get it together.

Raichel is also crying and it feels pretty obvious that they're going to go home because of this.

But it's not time for the rose ceremony quite yet. Chris Harrison has a surprise for all of us first. It's Ali and Roberto. Yep, they're back. And Roberto's as boring as ever. But they're here to interview the girls and give Brad advice on who to give a rose too. After taking their advice into consideration, he gives the rose to Emily. Duh.

We have the rose ceremony next and he sends the drama queens both home, along with Keltie. I feel bad for Keltie because the only thing she got to do this week is dress up kind of butch. And in her exit interview she says, "I'm the worst dater! This was my last ditch effort. Seriously, I've tried it all: dating guys at work, internet dating, speed dating, getting set up by my friends, meeting guys at bars..." Yikes.

This season is shaping up to be awesome.

Same time next week!

The Office

I was looking around my office today and realized there are several things that probably make my office different than yours (and also infinitely more awesome- just a personal opinion).

I'm going to list them:

1) Franklin the Zebra. Yes, I have a stuffed, taxidermied (is that a word?) zebra head in my office, staring at me all day. And yes, I named him Franklin.

I love him.

2) 9 cases of carpet cleaning solution and 3 boxes of hand soap dispenser refills. Sometimes we run out of places to store these things. But, don't worry! I have some space in my office!

3) These super awesome teacher signs that say "Eyes on Me!" and "Quiet Please." I'm not a teacher but I do have to deal with high school kids on a regular basis. And sometimes, I just want to go on an elementary school teacher-style power trip and hold these signs up with a steely look in my eye until people listen to me.

4) One of the most awesome and simultaneously weirdest gifts anyone has ever given me. It's a stuffed bear. Made by my first session Summer Staff girls. Made out of an old, stained towel and some dryer lint. I cherish it.

5) A knife block. Why, you may ask. I have no idea. Someone left it in my office. Maybe it belongs somewhere on camp. Maybe some group brought it with them and left it here (people leave weirder stuff than a knife block.) I have no idea. But in my office it sits.

6) A binder labeled "Illness/Bugs" filled with articles on, you guessed it, disease outbreaks and bug infestations. I love my job.

7) A super awesome balcony that affords me this beautiful view/the pleasure of being able to hear everything that anyone says in Clarabelle's/scaring people who don't know I'm up in my office/performing the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet/throwing things at people. Yeah, offices in lofts are the way to go.

8) This view out of my window of a snow covered obstacle course and, just beyond the fence you see, snow covered National Forest. Also, many stray cats and squirrels.

9) This embroidered Mountain Smith bag that I bought, embroidered with Lost Canyon Housekeeping and gave to my staff (and myself!) for Christmas. Hecks yes.

10) Radios. Or, in laymans terms, walkie-talkies. We call them radios so that they can sound like legitimate business tools. You can call them walkie-talkies because they're fun to play on.

Yeah, I know. My job's the shizz.

See you tomorrow for the Bachelor Blog!

Back to Brad (Bachelor, Season 15, Ep. 1)

Welp, it's back.

I know you've missed it.

I know you've been weeping into your cereal every morning because you couldn't watch it.

ABC is gracious enough to fulfill our need for constant Bachelor-ness by bringing us The Bachelor Season 15: Back to Brad. (They didn't give this season an awesomely cheesy subtitle, so I made one up. I need it.)

I have to say, I got a little spoiled by having all the interns over every week to watch the Bachelorette this summer and so it was a little anti-climactic to have to snark my way through it without yelling and constant rewinding to hear the funny parts. But my roomies Katie and Jen watched with me and were appropriately appalled and intrigued.

One of my favorite things about the Bachelor is that they completely stick to the exact same formula/sequence of editing every single season. This episode did not stray. The first thing we did was jump right into learning all about Brad.

In case you don't obsessively watch the Bachelor as I have for years, you may not know that Brad was actually already the Bachelor in Season 11. He picked Jenni and Deanna as the final two and then famously rejected both of them and ended up alone.

ABC has decided to go the "America hates Brad" route in marketing this and had him talking a lot about how much he's changed, how he's ready for committment, how his dad abandoned him which made him push people away, and how 3 years of "intensive therapy" have made him ready to be the Bachelor again. I can't say that I'm that shocked that being on the Bachelor would require the need for intensive therapy but hopefully your therapist had some stuff to say about willingly subjecting yourself to it again.

I have to say, I think ABC's overplaying the everyone hates Brad angle. I actually remember kind of respecting him for not just picking someone to pick someone, but I guess they were worried people wouldn't invest in his "quest for love" if they thought he wouldn't pick someone again. If someone out there needs to hear Brad's therapist say that he's ready for committment on camera, so be it.

After the Brad catch-up, we moved onto the contestant vignettes where they pick a few of the crazies and maybe one normal person to focus on and tell us a little about their lives. The crazies included someone whose job it is to manscape (complete with unnecessary shots of her actually waxing some poor guys) and a model who may or may not actually believe she's a vampire.

The normal girl that they picked requires a story that makes you cry and Emily from Charlotte delivered by telling us she found out she was pregnant 4 days after her fiance died in a plane crash. Now she's raising her 5-year-old daughter and working at a children's hospital. There is always at least one person that is absolutely too classy to be on this show. I don't want to speak too soon, but I think that's Emily this season.

And then, finally, we got to return to the mansion! Oh, how I've missed the mansion with its crazy lights, unnatural flowers, and complete debauchery. Chris and Brad reunite and sit down to talk about what happened on his last season and how he's changed (this is a running theme throughout the night).

Chris also asks if Brad would be ready to face Jenni and Deanna if he had the chance which really should have been enough forshadowing. Come on, Brad. You've been here before. But he says yes, he would love to apologize, and then was shocked to discover that Jenni and Deanna are there! To confront Brad! And flash their super huge engagement rings because they're happy! Without Brad! HAPPY!

It's awkward. And awesome. Jenni's sweet and Deanna's bitchy and clearly bitter.

With that out of the way, we get to move onto the limo entrances. Apparently, they have told the women that the Bachelor is someone who has been on the show before but didn't tell them who it is, so they're all screaming and shocked when they pull up to meet Brad. There little intros are as lame as ever and evenly divided into one of 2 strategies: 1) feigning no knowledge of who Brad is or 2) Bitterly telling him that America hates him and he has a lot to prove.

The cocktail party is another whole load of awkward as Brad spends the entire night telling women that he doesn't know that he is a changed man and asking them to let him prove himself. Really unnecessary, Brad. They don't really have a right to be personally affronted by something you did on a reality show 3 years ago.

It didn't get any less awkward when the manscaper decided to remove some hair from Brad's wrist. She did the waxing and Brad provided us with the quote of the night when he said in response, "That's bare. Like, shockingly bare." Then she referred to something as the "undercarriage" and I blacked out in psychological defense against such scarring knowledge.

Ashley, the Southern girl (and I do mean girl- Is she 15? Also, why did they not put ages up next to their names like normal? I need to know so that I can judge) won the first impression rose for telling Brad that he can turn to her if he needs a friend. See ladies, asking him if he's ready to commit the first time you meet doesn't win you his heart.

The rose ceremony is exactly what you would think it would be. He kept everyone who got screentime, including vampy girl and the manscaper, and sent home 10 girls who seemed kind of boring.

Some exit crying and 10 minutes of previews that kind of ruin the rest of the season rounded out the episode. I started clapping in joy while my roommate Katie gave an impassioned speech about the death of dignity in our society.

I love Monday nights.